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What's up with him only wanting sex with me from behind?

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 September 2013) 13 Answers - (Newest, 18 September 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend wants to have sex with me only from behind… what is that all about? ... It is comming on the fift year we are together and for last couple of years it is just that one position. From behind. I am bored, I love him very much and I can imagina all kinds of stuff in bed... I tried to talk to him, I tried to "do something different" while having sex, but he just gets defensive and literally says: "No!" if I try soemthing else during sex. I really do not know what to think. I am defenatly not sexually satisfied at all and I feel like may be I am some sort of "nympho" that wants too much in bed. But then I feel as my body gets waisted. I think I have beautifull body and I really enjoy it, I would nto chnage a thing on myself. But with him when I am looking in the mirror, I am questioning myslef, if I really have what the Man needs.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013):

I have read your post twice and the answers. They are all good sound advices but I only want to ask is it important for you to stay with this bf? He seems to be extremely selfish. Because normally we guys take extreme pleasure and pride knowing that we are giving as much pleasure to our partner as we are receiving from them. But he is not doing that. There are plenty of nice guys out there who would jump to the chance to be with you. So why waste your time with him?

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A male reader, SensitiveBloke United Kingdom +, writes (18 September 2013):

SensitiveBloke agony auntYou need to address this and other issues with him and he must acknowledge he has a problem. Otherwise you'll never be able to improve your unhappy relationship.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (18 September 2013):

I don't think you're asking too much at all and I do think you guys have the beginnings of some serious problems. People who acknowledge their problems but refuse to try and fix themselves are never going to be good spouses.

My wife has some issues that I deal with because I know she's trying to get better for the sake of our relationship (and the kids). If she made no effort or flat out refused help I'd have a lot less patience with her and we may not even be together.

You say you love him very much and I'm sure you do, but are you happy? Not only in bed but in other aspects of your relationship with him?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (17 September 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIF he has OCD and is unwilling to be treated for it or work with you and EVERYTHING has to be his way you will grow more resentful and it will not be good.

Has anything BAD ever happened in any other position?

I ask because my OCD husband is the same but it's because the last time we tried any other position I was injured due to my bad back... and now he's afraid to hurt me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Am I asking for too much?

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (17 September 2013):

Daisy_Daisy agony auntI don't think him getting offended should stop you from expressing yourself fully. If he's using scare tactics to shut you up and control you, perhaps you should make him aware that you're not scared to admit that there's a problem in the relationship. You are already "not OK". OP, he's very controlling. I was going to suggest couples counselling before I got to your most recent update, but no doubt he wouldn't go. Maybe go on your own? This is absolutely nothing to do with your body x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I was not trying to tell him during sex, I was just trying to direct him some different way by trying change just this one position to something different but he will not allow it. I was trying to talk to him outside of bed about it and he got offended and was like, well, so we are having problem in this? Something like, please do not go there, if yoy want us to be ok." I already thought that may be he is a gay, but I ruled out that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

And yes, he does have major OCD. CMMP you nailed it. His OCD is pretty bad and he is aware of it. It is very hard to deal with.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

It is not always just doggie style. There are other styles but they are always "from behind". Like the one when when both partners are laying on the side, but he is always behind me. He is holding me but he is again behind me. I would love to see his face again at least once while making love to him. And I am not talking any more about how much I would love to experience again pleasure in the front area of my body and my .hm..hm...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yes, the other areas of relationship are like that. Everything has to be only his way. Always.

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A male reader, SensitiveBloke United Kingdom +, writes (17 September 2013):

SensitiveBloke agony auntHe is being selfish and not trying to please you. Is he like this in other areas of your relationship too?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (17 September 2013):

Honeypie agony auntSeriously? He tells you no! if you want something else then doggy-style?

I think you need to talk about sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom. TELL him what you like and need. Sex isn't just about HIM being please, it's about BOTH of you enjoying the sex.

Telling him DURING sex is not the time to bring it up.

And I seriously doubt there is ANYTHING wrong with your body.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (17 September 2013):

He sounds like he's obsessive compulsive or something.

I can't imagine a girl telling me she's bored with our sex life and me telling her "tough", so other than expressing yourself better I don't know what else to suggest.

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