A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I really need your help, I've been split with my guy nearly 4 weeks tomorrow, he left me for his ex the mother of his child,Anyway last night I went down the pub with some friends to watch fireworks and he was there with this girl he left me for, he totally ignored me and apart from saying hi when he first got in there, hard thing is we always speak when on the phone and when he's down the pub on his own without her, and I found this really hard that he didn't want to talk to me.Then this morning I texted him wanting to talk and he rang me back, I made out I hardly saw him but then he said he saw me many times and was watching me, and he knew who I was sat with and the way it seemed to me he said that he was watching me sometimes.Also when my mate gave this guy my number I told him and he said to me that she should not go around giving out my number to people I/she don't really know, fair enough but he then said I had to watch this guy as I don't know his background and how he was dancing with some other girls the nite before, and he said if he keeps texting me I should give him(my ex) my mate's number to see if she likes it,Then he was saying that he doesn't want to be single any more and he knows who he wants (this girl)We still speak on the phone everyday and then my mate said to his sister that by us talking would get my hopes up again but i dont think like that i just want to stay good friends and so does he, but then he said that if he did ask me back i would go bk to him which i would but why did he bring that up that was a conversationg we had last week,Im really confused with what he wants from me at the moment he still likes talking to me but wants a relationship with tht girl, but part of me thinks he wants he may want me bk, and enother part thinks he doesnt want me with anyone else with the way he went when i told him, i think hes just looking out for me but it just seems really strange, like 2moro we wont talk as hes going shopping for xmas but will talk on tuesday, Sorry this is long thanks for readingANY ADVICE WITH WHAT PEOPLE THINKS GOING ON ive tried mybest to describe everythingSALLY ANN
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (9 November 2008):
 Hi Sally Ann,
There are probably two things going on here. I think he probably didn't talk to you much that night when he saw you was because he was with his current girlfriend. He most likely didn't want to start anything. Next time you talk to him, you should ask him if she knows that the two of you are close friends. My guess is that she doesn't.
The only way the two of you can really be close friends is if she is aware and agrees on the friendship. I have an ex I am still sort of close to. We broke up because he found the love of his life. He was older, done with college and ready to settle down. I was still in college and marriage and children was the furthest thing on my mind. But I didn't want to break up. We remained friends but that meant that I stopped over when "she" was around. I went to their wedding. I was at the christening of their kids. I have gone out with her (without him) and I am really happy for them.
At first he was very critical of who I dated and I thought he was jealous or that he didn't want me dating anyone. Looking back, I realize that he WAS simply looking out for me. He was being my big brother, my friend. And we did have a mutual friend who he kept telling me was a bad influence on me (and she was) and he told me to stop hanging around with her. Eventually I did and I did realize she a bad influence.
I think if you are still thinking you'd like to get back together with him then you aren't really allowing yourself to be his "friend." You're keeping the relationship going so you can still be around him. He may still care about what happens to you but it was cruel of him to ask if you would take him back. So, partially he cares but the other part just wants to keep his options open by having you on a short string.
If I were you I wouldn't continue to be his friend unless it can be on the up and up. IE: his current girlfriend knows about you and he can talk to you in front of her. He's not validating your friendship if he hides you from who is suppose to be the most important person in his life. Let me guess, he is Christmas shopping with her?
If you break the ties with him it will allow you to move forward and find someone else and forget about him.
And yes, many of our ex's want us but they don't want us (they want someone else) but they don't want anyone else to have us. Think about how you feel about someone you dated but don't want anymore. Eventually though if you really care about someone, you only want them to be happy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): I think that he does still have feelings for you but that he wants to be with the mother of his child more. It is probably hard for him to see you with other guys but he has to know that you have a right to be with whoever you want because he gave you up. Must be killing him. If he's complaining about being single it probably means that he's getting frustrated with the girl he wants. Sounds like he gave up everything for the chance to be with her and its not going so well. Everytime he talks to you and is acting all flip-floppy it probably means that he's missing you alot at that moment and wondering if he made a mistake in leaving you. Also he probably is protective of you but mostly jealous I would say. As for ignoring you at the pub, since he was with his girl he probably was afraid that she would see that he still likes you if he talked to you and that would make it even more difficult for him to get with her.
I think its admirable that you are staying friends with him. Friendship with exes are complicated especially if it ended because of another girl! Hope an unbiased opinion helped. Luck.
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