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female
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*ezzabear
writes: My boyfriend and I have recently broke up after six months except that I'm confused as to why. He broke up with me as he said he was unhappy, not with me but with his life in general and that he needed time to work out what was going wrong. He said he didn't want a girlfriend right now as he needed to concentrate on getting happy again and that he had made his mind up to break up with me. However I think he may have been unhappy with me as he said that he wanted to be first in my queue so to speak and that he didnt feel that he was and that he was uncertain as to how I felt. I told him how I felt but also said that he had made up his mind so he obviously didnt want to negotiate. However he said that it was negotiable and that he thought we had something special and he hadnt felt like this for years and that he wanted to stay in contact but I don't know if thats just as friends or something else. Is he just confused and lost and wanting reassurance from me that I want to make it work or is he just breaking it off with me because he's unhappy with me and is just being nice? It's his 25th birthday soon and he was getting really down about it.
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (27 March 2006):
 I wish i was 25 again,i agree with suorpio though....it does sound like he is depressed.....but that doesn't give him the right to mess you about,he cannot expect you to hang around while he makes up his mind.If i was you,i would walk away and let him get on with it....you wanted to be with him but he chose to dump you but expected sympathy from you because of the way he felt.I wouldn't let him,drag you down with false promises....you deserve better then that.If he is feeling sad then suggest to him that he see's a doctor,if he refuses then there is nothing that you can do,but i do feel that you should get on with your own life and not let him pull you down with him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2006): I'd just be careful that he isn't just going to try and string you along with this one. Sounds like he's got you right where he'd need you if he wanted a "friends with benefits" arrangement. I'd suggest that you just let him go - get on with your life and if it was meant to be ...then it was meant to be. If not I can see how this could possibly get a little messy. He needs to sort out what he wants in life on his own by the sound of it. Careful he doesn't drag you into his mess - intentionally or not. Good Luck!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2006): It sounds like your boyfriend is working through some depression at present, and that's a perfect reason to want to work things out on one's own. If that is the case, then those remarks he made in the past about not being a priority in your life fit right in; he isn't giving you a conflicted message here, he was probably really down on himself when he said that, he is only now more aware of why he was feeling that way. This has nothing to do with your relationship.
You're probably the person who's had the most contact with him over this past while. If you think he's been consistently unhappy for a long time, or even intermittently, you might suggest for him to seek counselling or even the support of his friends.
As for the two of you, nothing in the world can move him to be in a relationship again until he feels worthy or ready, but I think you would be doing him a great service by sticking by him as a friend while he sorts his life out. When he's done taking care of himself, then he'll have the strength to invest in another person.
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