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age
30-35,
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writes: I met her almost 3 years ago online, and we became best and closest friends. She is with her boyfriend of 5 years. For the first 2 years we were just friends but she would always complain to me about her boyfriend and asked to if it was ok to move in with me (jokingly, I gathered). When I was going through a bad relationship breakup with someone else she confessed that she had feelings for me and said she cried when she found out about me and my brief relationship with this other girl. I told her that I felt closely for her too but not in that way, and I wouldn’t allow myself to feel anything for her as she had a boyfriend. After a few months I found myself falling for her. We eventually met in person a few months ago on holiday and her boyfriend was there with her, of course. I’ve never in all my life met someone so tedious and cowardly as him, for the life of me I cannot understand why she is still with this guy, he hasn’t had a job in years and lives with his parents. Even though she HATES living there and cries about it (happened on the plane home as well, I comforted her, he just sat there and didn’t say anything), her boyfriend has done nothing to help her. Anyway while I was there with her on holiday there was an obvious magnetism between us, we never tried anything and I wouldn’t want to while she is still with him. She spends more time with me then him and while I make her laugh, smile and feel good about herself, he pretty much does nothing. When my feelings for her were really strong I told her how I felt about her and she shot me down, so for the sake of our friendship, I repressed my feelings for her. Only about a week later, she asked if she could move in with me (but still only as friends and that guy would still be her boyfriend). Her boyfriend would remain in his parents’ house to get money saved up so he could move over. They are both financially independent and she has a lot of savings. A few days ago she then asked if it’s ok to sleep in the same room as me, but in separate beds. Also when we talk, she is giving clear signs that she likes me more than a friend but she now and again briefly acts all mushy with her boyfriend. Oh and one other key thing to know, they never have sex or make out, In 5 years they have tried about 4 times but they never had full intercourse. (Yeah I know everything about her and she knows everything about me).So... What in the heck is going on here between us? What do you guys think of this situation? If someone was telling me this I would be like “umm you both said you love each other at some point, both of you turned it down? She has a boyfriend? She wants to move in with you and into the same room, far away from her boyfriend?” “uhh what the hell kind of shrooms are you taking?”Yeah... This is messed up.Thanks for any advice.P.S. Sorry for it being so long, just wanted to give a better picture of the situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're right in what your saying. I'm not going to pursue anything with her and will try to keep more of a distance in the future while still remaining just friends. Still find it odd how she spends more time with me. For example, on Christmas I pretty much spent the entire day with her, her boyfriend only showed up briefly 3 times for 5 minutes. She can't be using me as her back up, it's not right. Whatever the case, I'm going to start dating again and develop my own relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): You're right, it sounds like what you're feeling for her is blinding you to the situation at hand.
Even if there are any feelings between the two of you it's certainly not enough to leave her boyfriend for you. It's even gotten to the point where he's going to move closer. You shouldn't concern yourself with the fact that they don't have intercourse or don't make out, she's still with him.
Honestly, it sounds like she's using you as her back up boyfriend (She wants you but doesn't want you to see other girls?). What she's not getting from him she's getting from you. She's having her cake and eating it too.
My advice is to be friends with her if you want but you should keep your options open and date other girls.
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