A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My husband is good friends with a guy who lives close to us, and I am friends with his wife. We have always thought of him as a decent person who will help out when he can. However, he has recently confided in my husband that he cheated on his wife when he was away on a business trip last month. My husband is not impressed with this at all and advised him to think of his family life. He is still in touch with the woman by phone and he is hoping to meet her in the future. This woman doesn't know he is married with a child. I just feel awful about knowing this - at one level it is none of my business, but I have to see his wife and she talks about him with high regard saying what a good husband and father he is. She probably has no clue he is planning an affair and she is such a nice person she doesn't deserve heart-break. What to do?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 September 2008):
I think your husband has to tell this guy to cut contact with this girl or he will make sure the wife finds out.
You can't carry on being silent.
If you do decide things aren't changing and you have to tell her then just tell her straight and expect to be yelled at. Tell her that her husband told your husband that he's having a fling.
But if you do tell her then get your husband's agreement first because he is going to lose a friend and he needs to think you are doing the right thing.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (29 September 2008):
 Did you ever hear the phrase " Kill the messenger?" A lot of times when you tell someone what is going on behind their back, they turn on YOU, no matter WHAT good intentions you may have towards them.
What can you do? Very sensitive question that is hard to answer. The only thing that can be done, is for your husband to work behind the scenes, on her husband. If YOU say anything to him, then your husband would have "betrayed" a trust, and will not be told anything again.
It is a shame what this guy is doing to his wife.
Good Luck, and I hope your husband can convince this guy to stop this thing.
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