A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. I was supposed to be going to a party this weekend for my sister in law's dad's birthday. My sister in law and my brother didn't invite me. My sister in law's niece did, although, my sister in law sent everyone a message on facebook saying she hoped everyone could make it. Its just that she didnt send me a message personally, if you know what i mean. Anyway, i kind of jumped ahead really, as i told her niece straight away that i would go, not realising that my family might not be able to make it. My younger brother was invited as well, but he cant make it as he has a hobby that he goes to every Sunday, and he ahs to be there early in the morning. If we had been going to the party, we would have needed to stay over night on Saturday in a hotel, as it isnt near where we live. My dad also cant make it, as he has to work. But also, my dad and Stepmum weren't even invited, and i'm not sure why. I feel funny that my younger brother and i were invited, and my older brother ( who is married to my sister in law ), but my dad and Stepmum weren't. My dad told my older brother ( he's my half brother ) that i told him about the party, but my half brother didn't mention that my dad and stepmum were invited, and he didnt say if he knew that i had been invited when he spoke to my dad. It's also awkward because i hardly know my half brother and sister in law . My half brother is much older than me, and he grew up in another part of the country, where he still lives now. His mum and our dad got divorced when eh was a child, and his mum got remarried and had a daughter with her new husband. My half brother and sister in law are closer to his mum, stepdad, and his other half sister than they are to my dad, me and my younger brother. My dad then married my mum, got divorced from her, and is now married for a third time. My half brother's other sister was even a bridesmaid at his wedding. I didn't even get asked to be a bridesmaid, which hurt at the time. Its also awkward because my half brother is well off, whereas my younger brother doesnt earn much at his job, and i am unemployed, so i've felt out of place with my half brotehr really. I also have another half brother from my dad's first marriage, who i have ahrdly seen at all in my life. He has fallen out with all his family. He went off the rails after his mum and our dad got divorced.It must still upset him now. It affected me badly too when my mum and dad got divorced.Anyway, back to the problem about the party. Because my younger brother , dad and stepmum cant make it, my siste in law's niece suggested that i go to my dad's place on friday, and stay overnight, and travel to where the party is with my half brother and sister in law the next day, as they are also staying overnight at my dad's on Friday.I thought they were staying overnight, and then going straight to their hotel the next day, but when i called my dad to see if i could stay over, he told me that they are leaving early on Saturday, as my sister in law has a hair appointment, and they wont be ale to check in to the hotel until later that day. I was even going to try and get into the same hotel as them but it could be too late to find a room there now. I think my dad was annoyed that he hadnt been invited, as he mentioend how he didnt like that they are only going to have a short visit with him, and he said i should just make arrangements with them, and not him, as he isnt even invited to the party. There isnt any other way i can go to the party. I dont have many friends, so taking someone else with me isnt an option. The friends i do have dont have much money, and wouldnt be able to afford to go on such short notice. Some of them dont like going to parties for people they dont know anyway. I haven't told my sister in laws niece about my dad being annoyed, as i would feel embarrassed telling her that, and she doesnt know that i feel awkward around my brother and sister in law. I dont know how i am going to be able to tell her that i cant go to the party now, and she could feel like i have been messing her about. I feel embarrassed that i dont have a friend i cant take with me too. I also wanted to travel with my brother an sister in law, and stay in the same hotel as them, as i feel anxious about travelling to places that i havent been to on my own. I suffer from anxiety, which i hate. It's all a mess !. What should i say to my sister in law's niece, and what should i do about the party ?.
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (25 August 2011):
 Sorry, I had to break your post down a bit more to digest what you are sharing/asking.
INVITE TO THE PARTY for your SIL's Dad?
So, is this person someone you have a relationship with?
"It's also awkward because i hardly know my half brother and sister in law "
If you do not know any of the people well, and are not in relationship with them, why attend?
You were invited to a party on FB,indirectly, by the SIL's niece. Did she have understanding/permission to invite others? Usually, only the host and hostess have the authority to do so. This neice did not invite you directly or personally.
If your SIL and BIL did not invite you...is the party at their home? It might be poor manners for you to attend.
Unless it is a cultural understanding that family is expected simply because they are related by blood or marriage?
Why would your family need to attend? (Especially if they were not invited themselves?)
NOT INVITED TO PARTY-Your Dad and StepMum. Do THEY have a relationship with the person being honored or the host and hostess? If not, why would they/should they be invited?
This sounds like a lot of frustration to try and attend an event you were not directly invited to, by people you do not have a relationship with, for a person you do not really know. You have a connection via marriage and blood, but not a real reason to be there.
As for telling the neice, you could send her a note that you will not be able to attend, but since you did not get a direct invite, do you really need to?
It sounds like you could let this one go without responding at all. Make plans to see your Dad at another time.
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