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anonymous
writes: I recently hooked up with someone I like a lot, although he is "talking" to someone else right now. My friend asked him what he was going to do between both of us and he replied "I dont know, I'm "in love" with both of these girls." After the hook-up he has been talking to me more on the phone, but I'm getting the vibe that he's just doing it to be nice and not blow me off.At first he was really nice to me and called the next day to see If I wanted to hang out because he was in town, but I was working, but the last couple of days he hasnt been acting all that flirtatious with me and very polite which he usually is. He gives this other girl compliments all the time (from what Ive seen on myspace and in his text messages) and they've been on a couple dates. Is there any hope between us or was he probably just using me, I know that he has always had a little thing for me but he likes a lot of girls, but I do know that he is capible of having a relationship. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2006): You come across as not trusting him and this causes doubts in you about your own worth.
If he can not decide and see your value and worth, why would you want to see him? He is seeing someone else, this smacks of selfishness and indecisiveness and from one woman to another; it is not worth it.
You need someone who you can trust. YOu need someone who would make you feel like you mattered and that the thought of being with another woman is a violation to his sense of loyalty and devotion to you.
You need a man in whom you can trust so that you can truly love and feel safe to do so; you need to know you can give him your love and he will not hurt you or take advantage of you.
A man who wants a relationship with you would not leave you feeling used.
You decide and remember, you matter.
Best of wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much you guys, I really appreciate your responses, they helped a lot, I think deep down I knew this but I just needed someone to be blunt and tell me. I feel good about this now, and I'm just going to leave this alone, and stay casual friends..NO BENEFITS! :D thanks
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (17 July 2006):
 Hi dearie,
For me I really dont think this guy is ready for a normal relationship with commitment, the type i can see you desire from your posting.For now,he just thrives on the attention he is getting and isnt ready to change that.What you have to ask yourself is if you are ready to be in constant competition with his other girls and i can see that you arent.
I really do believe you are handling the situation very well so dont beat yourself about you. The problem is with him really.It is good that indirectly you had to blow off his offer for a date since you had to work. For me he deserves abit of that.
My advise for you is that you shouldnt take this guy seriously since he obviously isnt taking you as such so as any of his other ladies. I know this is hard to hear but it is for the best just dont worry about him and what he is doing with this girl. move on and i know you will find someone else who will be entirely devoted to you.
Goodluck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2006): Hi, Honestly I think you should stop trying wuth this guy. He obviousley doesnt know what he wants and I think your wasting your time. If your checking his myspace to see what he says about you or her then this is not right. You shouldnt have to "spy" on someone to figure out if he likes you.Trust me if he wanted to be with you you would know by now. Maybe hes just enjoying haveing 2 girls compete for him. You should cut this out now. If he does like you that way you will know quicker if you stop trying and leave the ball in his court.No offence intended but I feel he is not worth the effort, I know guys like this and they get off simply knowing there is more than one girl interested in him. As long as he believes this he may well just keep things as they are, Going for neither of you because his thrill lies in the attention hes recieving and not the idea of a full time commitment with just one girl.
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