A
female
age
51-59,
*weetiebabes
writes:Dear Aunts and Uncles,I have been active on this site and giving advices as well to those who seek emotional help but at this point in my life, I would like to seek some enlightenment of making decisions.When I got married, my family disowned me and until this date they are not good to me. I learned to become independent and struggled and strengthen myself for my children’s sake. In 2001, my relationship with my husband became unstable mainly because he has no sense of responsibility. In 2004, I decided to separate him but tend to be diplomatic and stayed under one roof for the sake of our children. I am a mother of 3 children (ages 16, 11 and 6) and in 2007, I worked abroad to support my children for their basic needs and education, I am the sole provider. My children are with my husband since I left Philippines. Before I left, my husband wanted to fix our marriage. I asked him to just be responsible and take good care of our children while I am gone. And so, I trusted my husband to handle the finances from my earnings but in later year I found out that he was spending the money to drink with his friends and most likely to drugs as well and my children were suffering because their needs were not met.In 2008, I stopped sending money to him and instead gave it to my eldest daughter (who was almost 14 yrs old that time) with my guidance. It went smoothly on the first year, but on the 2nd year, something went wrong that I couldn’t understand what was happening. My daughter seemed to be like hiding something from me and when I was trying to push her to open up with me, it was too late for me to fix the problem. My daughter became rebellious to my husband and was misusing the money, following the footstep of her father. What her father did, she followed the same thing. They became abusive and disrespectful and the budget that was supposed to be for their basic needs and for their school, they selfishly spent with friends.My eldest daughter was emotionally lost and was spending most of her time with friends (bad influencers). I tried to console her, make her feel how much I love her and I continuously call her to guide her and make her feel loved and she began to realize her mistakes but when every time her father mistreat her and treat her like a different person at home, she goes back to peer pressures.My worries are not only with my eldest daughter but also with my 11 yrs old son and 6 yrs old daughter. They are very young and they are the ones affected from the financial abuses of my husband and daughter. It seemed like they left me no choice but to send money again which is beyond my budget and I am now suffering. My husband is using the children to have control and I seek help with my family but they don’t want to get involve and won’t help at all.I am losing control with what is happening to me now. I sort all options to make things right but my husband is using the children to get what he wants but he doesn’t take care of the children even. I am just thankful our neighbor helps me with my difficulties and eyes the children for me. If I will take the children from him he will make trouble and he doesn’t really care much but just want to have the financial control.I tried all possible solutions and asked help from the police, department of social welfare and development but I cannot make proper complaint because I am out of the country.I cannot give up work because we will all suffer but what I have in my mind right now is just steal my children from my husband and leave the city and move to another city or region. This is my only option and I will seek assistance to distant relatives or friends who are willing to help us. Do you think this is a good idea? This is my last resort to be able to live peacefully and hopefully to look for a guardian for my children who can take care of them, support and guide them morally, emotionally, and spiritually.I don’t know what to decide anymore. Do you have any better ideas and what decisions to make? I would be very glad if you could give me enlightenment in my case. Thank you.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 sorry to hear about this truly awful situation! why do you feel you would have to 'steal' the children? they are yours and you are doing what's best for them. it is possible that your children could live with you and i mean all of them, including the 16 year old. she could help you with the care of the younger two and away from her father and her peers you should be able to keep her on the right path.
he is not treating the children right, so yes i think you should take them and get help from any family and friends who can help. your eldest daughter is the key though, you need another reliable adult to help you with the children while you are working and if she would be willing to put aside her selfish teenager-ness for the sake of keeping her family together (minus dad) then this could be perfect
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