A
male
age
51-59,
*hymexycpl
writes:my wife says her lack of sex drive is due to her feeling over weight and ugly.I tell her she is perfect the way she is but it doesn't help. I am not in anyway the stud muffin either but I am comfortable with myself and just want to have a better sex life with my wife. She says she looks ugly and fat in sexy clothes but to me its all good and like it. She used to be very active in the bed but lately she is slacking and making me feel not wanted. she tells me to go watch porn and then slip into bed because she dont want fore play. dont get me wrong I love the porn but I wish she would watch it with me and take notes to improve our problem. to me she is very sexy and I love her body no matter what she wears. What should I do to help her?
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confidence, porn, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PrettyGreenEyes83  +, writes (17 June 2012):
 I sympathise with her. I put on loads of weight after my daughter was born. I have only recently got slimmer. Be careful with the porn, as the girls in porn are very enhanced and even me with my size 10 body feels envious of them as they look so ''perfect'' with their huge boobs full lips and almost shaved waxy look. Plan an exercise programme together and lose weight in a good way. Good luck!!
A
male
reader, shymexycpl +, writes (14 June 2012):
shymexycpl is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the advice i have suggested walikng in the evenings but she gets tired quick. I am stilltrying other technics will keep you posted...
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (10 June 2012):
 Hi there, You obviously love your wife and want to work on your sex life which is very commendable. It's a very good start.When a woman feels unattractive and unsexy, there's not much anyone can do to persuade them otherwise. What you can do though is sit with her and talk to her a bit. You have mentioned that you're not a stud muffin. I'm translating that to be that you're a little overweight yourself? But the thing is you're okay with that and comfortable. In order to move this situation from a negative to a positive one, it is going to take communication, committment and caring....3 C'sYou need to communicate with her sincerely and in a neutral environment...not at home, but at a park or over dinner that you love her just the way she is....you find her attractive and sexy. But, you understand that she feels uncomfortable with the weight on and even tell her that you have some poundage to lose as well. How about we go on an exercise regime together. By no means do this in a gym...that's super boring. But talking walks together,joinging a down to earth group that does outdoor activities like rowing, obstacle courses, boot camps etc. All this includes exercising but also encourages a kind of you and me support for each other...you can laugh and joke about your sore muscles the next day. Go healthy grocery shopping and keep each other in check over snacking. It works out to be a beautiful thing....if you don't want to do that...get a work out DVD and sweat to that at home. But you're doing it together..which is important.You need to stay committed to it. Even if one of you falters...stay right in there with it. Marriage is team of two people and it's important that she knows you care and love her enough to push her through to make her feel better about herself....and you about yoursThe caring comes in when those times of frustration at the scale not going anywhere and that pair of skinny jeans still doesn't fit....care enough to allow her to be frustrated with that. Let her have her moment...don't allow her to wallow, but appreciate the fact that there will be bad days as well as the good days.You're a very wonderful husband for wanting to fix things and make your wife happy. It's a good start...I wish all the luck and success with making this better.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (10 June 2012):
 Well ,you can't force her into making her feel better about her self. She has to feel good about herself, just you saying that she is a good enough the way that she is won't make her feel better. If she is feeling over weight, maybe you could suggest that you both start some sort of exercise program together, walking is a great place to start, and it's free! Tell her it will help you to be more motivated if you can do it together. Make it about you loosing weight not her. Get her a voucher for a beauty salon, for treatments of her choice. Encourage healthy eating, and you will both benefit with smaller waist lines. Health and fitness is a sure fire way to an increase in sex drive.
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