A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Howdy all, I'm writing because I've reached the conclusion of one particular chapter in my life and...I'm utterly lost as to where to go next. I'd go into detail as to how I arrived at this crossroads but I'd rather not bore anyone to death. The cliffnotes version is this: Boy meets girl, two develop crushes, boy is stabbed in back by best friend before moving out of country, boy misses crush of 2 years a great deal, boy develops depression and pines, 2 years later boy finds out that best friend lied, depression fades and boy tries to find girl, 9 months of trying later and boy finds girl, girl has moved nearby to boy, boy and girl talk, boy and girl tell the story of their past 3 years without one another, boy and girl are on same page, 2 weeks later girl explains to boy that she finally got closure, girl moves on while boy tries to cope, boy spends 6 months trying to move on, boy doesn't feel right, boy decides to grow into the person girl deserves, girl gets boyfriend and becomes incredibly happy, boy sees this, boy revises goal to doing everything in his power to making sure that girl gets her happy ending, boy resumes contact with girl after 9 month long break, boy and girl talk to one another frequently. That's the story in a grossly imprecise nutshell, I'm the boy in this situation. I've come to terms with how I feel towards her (it ONLY took me 5 1/2 years), and I'm glad that I did. She is all I think about continuing a nearly 6 year streak of constant thought, and I'm pushing myself to be a better human being so that if she ever needs help, I can give it. That chapter is over and now I am utterly lost as to where to go next. As part of my "toughening up" I've greatly broadened my horizons, but I still have that deep-seated feeling that comes from lacking an actual destination. I don't know what to do, and I'm trying to find someone who has a similar story...I can only hope that someone here understands and sees something that I don't. My question is simple: What should I do now that I lack a destination?Thank you in advance to anyone who responds, it's always appreciated
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): This is from the person who posed this questionI thought I had made it a point to mention that I've known her for 6 years, not that we have had a relationship. It saddens me immensely that I was unable to put in the entirety of the story because your response would make sense had I not already reached it 3 years ago. I understand the importance of moving on. I understand the importance of trusting and being trusted by others, 2 years of depression will teach you that very effectively. I understand the importance of learning from mistakes, that understanding is why I wouldn't change the past even if I were able. Please avoid doing me the disservice of writing this off as the crying of another teenager's bleeding heart. My heart isn't broken.That being said, allow me to go into detail regarding my biggest mistake: Not telling her on my own. I had 4 weeks before I was moving from Japan to the US, I asked my best friend to ask her for me because I'd come to trust her over the course of 2 1/2 years and I was scared. After she chose to keep the truth from me, I moved to the US. All future attempts at contacting her failed consistently for 3 1/2 years.I apologize if this message has a harsh tone, but I'm completely serious when I say that I'm looking for someone who has experienced this bizarre sequence as well. Everyone I've ever come to has given advice that chaffs egregiously on so many fundamental levels that...it has been frustrating. A great deal has happened and many parts have yet to be something another person around me has had occur. Please write this off as a generic story of "love", loss, and hormones
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 June 2010):
 You're 16-17, and you've had a 6 year relationship with a girl?? You started this story of this girl when you were 11-12?? That can't be right, can it??
What do you do now that you have "no destination"? That's actually easier than you think. You do what we all do. Use the mistakes and failings that have happened in your life and learn from them and grow stronger. Then you have to do something that's unique to you: You have to make your life's goal and reason for being something other than this one girl. You had the right idea of becoming a better person, but it has to be for YOU, not for her or anyone else.
From what I read, the big mistake you made was in not believing your girl when your friend lied to you. Two years of depression? Why not just ask her in that time??
You need to have a more trusting nature, one that checks the facts before you let a single syllable wreck you. You cannot let rumor, innuendo, and your own insecurity de-rail you.
Will you get another chance to find love? Of course! You haven't lost out. Maybe you have with this girl, but open your heart to the possibility of the future. Look at it like a great adventure and a clean slate, and don't squander it by pining, regreting, and wasting away.
People can get addicted to the feeling of pining and missing and having a broken heart. Trust me, you'll like the excitement of the future a LOT better than going over the love notes, pictures, and the old mementoes. Speaking of, if you have any of those, BURN them!
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