A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months long distance because I'm away at college. Lately I've been feeling like I'm putting more effort into our relationship than he is. He used to come visit me at my school often during the first semester and I would even drive home when he was not able to come see me. This semester I have been driving home almost every weekend and he has yet to come see me. He says it's too expensive to rent a room and paying for food but I've been wasting gas all semester so couldn't he come see me atleast once? Also we have been arguing often because he always thinks I'm accusing him of cheating. I understand he has female friends but it irks when a old friend is constantly calling him. He tells her he's with me but she still calls. Plus I get irked when he says he's going to call me back and never does or takes hours to call back. I feel dumb waiting by the phone. One time he said he was going to call me once he got to the casino but he called acted like he didn't hear me and hung up. Instead of calling back he never did so I texted him and said i thought you were going to call me? And he replies I just did. That really pissed me off because I would have done exactly What I said I was going to do. But instead he leaves me by the phone waiting. I really think he stopped caring. Two weeks ago he said he was going to write me a letter to try something new and I never got a lettter I asked him about it and he said sorry I forgot. Then I asked again and he never sent it. I just told him forget it I don't even want it anymore. Also the past couple nights I've just been wanting to talk on the phone since I can't see him and he constantly says he's too tired. We used to talk on the phone all night and now every night he's too tired. I feel like I'm in a relationship alone. Everything has changed. He used to send good morning texts and that has stopped too. I have to always send it first. Should I stop caring and give up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you I understand what your saying. Once I get a job and take summer classes I won't have time to stress him. If he wants to talk or see me he's going to have to call me first.
A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (22 April 2011):
 "I have to always send it first." - that's exactly the issue: you text him, call him, blame him for not putting much effort, you hope he will call you or text you first, but if you do all the work, WHEN is he supposed to do it back ? Give him time to miss you. He knows you're going to call him anyway, so he won't bother to do the chase anymore. So stop contacting him. If he misses you, he will contact you first. If he doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be and you're better off without him. Your main problem is that you probably have too much free time to think of him, so get busy with something - work on school projects (if you have any), get a hobby, go out with people, have fun, create something, cook etc, do what's best for you to take your mind off your boyfriend. Thinking about him all the time won't change HIS behavior, so why wasting your time on something that might not work in the future ? I've always considered that LDRs are meant to fail due to at least one's insecurities. It's very hard to keep the flame alive when there's not enough communication of any kind. Good luck tho'!
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