A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here it goes: I ended up hurting this guy (by lying to him online about my identity, etc)....and in turn, I felt awful (just awful) and I wanted to make things right. However, what I did was virtual, it was just online. I finally confessed to him and we met, and started dating. i know he didnt completely forgave me, and assumed from our sexy chats that I was a slut. Which is not the case. I was a virgin and so was he. He basically started acting all sweet to me on our dates, and when I told him I wanted to go slow, he completely got mad and decided we should be casual. This was after I told him I thought he was amazing. Because I liked him and I felt sorry for him, I said yes. I then felt angry and depress because I gave him so much of me for him to discount me entirely. He even started getting back onto his dating profile. The thing is, no one understand this guy like I do. He was a virgin, has never had a real relationship, or a BJ, or sexual attention. Hes nerdy, hes a successful engineer, and hes 27. Hes flawed, but so am I. Basically after that date, I got scared that I would lose him so I finally gave in and we had sex. We were both virgins and lost it to each other. I never told him I was a virgin, but I thought maybe he would take the hint. I bled so much our first time, that he freaked out and asked me if he had hurted me and I just looked at him real sad and kissed him and said No. I was sweet to him. But hes so stupid, he started sleeping with me and we went on a couple more dates where I felt like he was treating me like a slut only. After the sex, I would feel empty and I would feel like crying every time. It was like, we were physical, but emotionally we were oceans apart. Basically because of what I did online, I felt bad and had to set things right. I felt obligated to sleep with him and that was my ultimate sign of love: giving my body to him. I dont know, as you can see, sex is a big deal to me. Ive never been with anyone before and he was my first too and the fact that he treated me like that made me so sad and angry. I became the YES girl, and he started taking me for granted. He assumed from my lying online that I was a bad girl, but you see, Im not at all. Im a really good person. I shouldnt have to beg him to see that. Anyways, he soon got sick and he went to the doc and found out it was Mono. Anyways, we both kind of figured that I was the one that passed it to him. I felt bad again and told him I was sorry. I was genuinely concerned for him because I still have feelings for him. We were only texting each other now, and finally through text I told him I was a virgin til I met him. He then texted me and said "So Im your first? Oh god, I want to kiss you so bad right now." I didnt know what he meant really, but I think a light bulb went off in his head. I think he realized he was wrong about me all along. Anyways, cut to right now...we havent seen each other in weeks. Im still sad/angry over how he treated me. I dont know if I could forgive him. I mean....I was just a sweet virgin girl. I never meant to hurt anyone,especially him. After he found out I was a virgin and that he was my first, he started texting me more (he never texted me before, he would only meet me on the weekend) and his text got sweeter. I started avoiding him to finally clear my head...but now I think he realizes that he was wrong about me. I guess he sees that Im good now? I dont know what to make of this though, Im still so hurt. But I do care for him deeply, and I know that he knows that I gave him love by sleeping with him. I also dont let him on that I know he was probably just using me at first. Now it seems like after he knew I was a virgin, hes trying to prove himself to me that hes....I dont know...caring too?ANyways, what do I do? Should I forgive him and finally meet him again? I do care for him and overall, he is a good guy. My dates with him were always so planned and though-out and even though hes very thrifty, he did spent money on me. He took me on some really nice dates and during sex, he always did try to make sure I finish before he did. So he is sweet...but I dont know...What should I do? Forgive him and love again?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 You feel like he's treating you as a slut but actually he is afraid to get hurt so he was closing up inside. He is afraid to be a 40 year old virgin so when opportunity comes he seized it. I think he took it personally when you said you wanted to go slow. You were flirty with him so he's confused as to what you want, sex or relationship, or just games. He was so afraid to be played so his protective mechanism was to build a wall so you won't hurt him. You should start over again and reveal your true selves. He did not mean to hurt you. The things that you thought would appeal to him really don't matter at all. What he wants most is your genuine, caring self. Sex appeal only gets you a sexual partner. He also made the mistake by becoming a player because he thought that's the only way to get women, when he had failed time after time being a nice guy. When he learned that you were a virgin too he's delighted because he found a kindred spirit, when he's always been worried that an experienced partner would judge his sexual performance. At the age of 27 men feel like freaks if they never had a sexual relationship. So he's happy he lost it to another virgin. Yes, you can let go of the past and create a safe haven to express yourselves truthfully.
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