A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help me. I've been with my girlfriend for 6 nearly 7 years and we are due to be married in August. We live together with a dog and mortgage and the wedding is all paid for and the guests are invited.Before christmas she found photgraphs on my computer of ex girlfriends and girls I talked to on the internet and now I feel she doesn't trust me, although she won't directly tell me this.Everything changes when she gets drunk. She becomes aggresive towards me, she is impossible to talk to reasonably and comes looking for reasons to argue with me. I have been on nights out with her like this and I have become so annoyed before now that I have left her on her own.I'm worried that this is a sign of things to come. I feel like I still love her (when she is sober) but look for the bad points in her body rather than those I find attractive.To make matters worse I am good friends with another woman who I know would love to be my gf and who I think the world of.What should I do, cancel the wedding. Go through with it and possibly regret it or see if the grass is greener with the other woman? Help!
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christmas, drunk, ex girlfriend, the internet, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): this is a very difficult situation.
it will help to try to list out what you love about her and why you want to be with her.
i can see why she is annoyed that you have photos of ex girlfriends etc and in this situation it would be best to back down, delete them and forget about the past.
also forget about this other woman who may or may not be a potential good girlfriend - that is so wrong to be thinking about other women.
on the other side, your fiancee should not be aggressive to you. have you tried to talk to her when she is sober?
the bottom line is whether you love her and have loved being together for the last 6 years.
i hope you sort things out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): I feel you are just making up excuses it is obvious you are just interested in this other woman. You are using how she acts while drunk as an excuse. And how would you feel if you found on her computer what she found on yours. My personal opinion is she shouldn't trust you. You are asking us if you can date someone else. She shouldnt marry you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): Don't get married! Now is still the time to go back. Once you are married, there is no return. Well there is, but everything is more complicated - and you will have to pay for her for the rest of your life.
If you feel you could never really love your gf, and she behaves like that, don't do it. You will regret it.
It doesn't matter if the wedding is already payed of and guests are invited. I know a couple the break off A WEEK befor their wedding. But still better than after. People may look at you strange, but what would they look at you, once you are married, not happy and divorced very quickly? Or bound to a women you don't like?
Be intelligent enough not to do something you will regret sooner or later!
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (8 June 2007):
The grass always looks greener on the other side and hardly ever is. But if you dont even find your girlfriend attractive, then whats the point in marrying her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): The fact that she sees getting drunk (presumably on a regular basis), and the fact that you are looking for the things you find unattractive about her (presumably to justify breaking up with her), spells out in letters 12 feet high that you are both way to immature for a serious committment like marriage. Painful as it may seem, you will be doing the pair of you a real favour if you pull out, take a raincheck, and do some serious growing up.
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