A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There's a girl that lives in my village that I like, she's been kind of seeing a player, from what I've heard on the grapevine, he's unreliable and just likes to party. anyway, I'm a pretty romantic kind of a guy, that's just how I am, and I'm thinking of sending her a bouquet of flowers to her hair salon as a guesture. My question is, what kind of message should I have on the card? I want it to be more of a guesture message in case she's not quite ready to go out..What do you guys think??
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 September 2015):
 Do you have an outcome you expect from the gesture of sending her a bouquet of flowers?
This is really iffy as you don't know if she fancies you at all.
I had a man send me a huge bouquet of flowers to me once and it completely fell flat because I didn't reciprocate his feelings at all. He was a nice enough fellow but not my type at all. Why he did that instead of just trying to get to know me better, where I could clue him in that I wasn't at all romantically interested in him, I don't know. I guess he too fancied himself a romantic. It made me feel very awkward and I had to let him know that I didn't want to date him.
It's kind of a chicken approach, if you fancy her and want to take her on a date I think the sensible and brave thing to do is to ask her. She can then say 'no' or 'yes' but she won't have to go through the awkward phase of having to let you down without you ever having been courageous enough to approach her for a date.
The thing about being a romantic is great, provided you've established your feelings may be reciprocated.
When I started dating my now husband, he sent flowers, and I loved that! But we were already dating and were both interested in the other.
Bottom line question: can you handle rejection, should she not be thrilled with your gesture?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2015): And my answer still remains the same- don't make a note with flowers. As you know her family etc well, it would already have been obvious if she fancied you at all! So don't bother.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2015): Of course I know her! I'm not some freaky stalker, I know her/ her family well, her sister says that the guy she's 'kind of' dating is hardly even in the picture and she's always moaning about him- I'm all about gestures and my question was - what is a quirky/ non heavy message to have on the note?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2015): Kind of dating someone is still dating someone- back off. If she had liked you in that way since you know her family etc. well it would have already been apparent.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2015): Call me if you want to chat over coffee....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 September 2015):
 I stand by my advice. Even if her sister says that she and that guy are "kind of" dating... it's still dating and it's still encroaching...
If the shoe was on the other foot and your had a GF who's sister was too keen on you, she told some guy she KNEW was interested that her sister (your GF in the story) was only KIND of dating you.. HOW would you feel when she got flowers from another dude? Not great right?
Or would you perhaps assume that she had someone encouraged the the other dude?
If you aren't sure 100 % is she is with the guy or not ASK her out - don't do it in front of other people so she will feel pressured.
Flowers are lovely, but the situation is not entirely appropriate.
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A
male
reader, devont +, writes (6 September 2015):
 Haha, well we've all been answering like you ARE a stalker... So err... sorry about that!
If it were me, I would use the flowers to ask her out, and put a note like 'Dinner on Saturday?' or something daft like 'Happy Tuesday! Thinking of you'
...but I wouldn't send them to her work, it's a tad too public if she doesn't like you back. My previous point still stands, there is a fine line between romantic and creepy, and that line is highly dependant on how attracted she is to you. Send them to her house, and then she can appreciate them privately.
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A
male
reader, devont +, writes (6 September 2015):
One of my friends had a bunch of flowers sent to her work by a guy she was seeing, and was absolutely mortified and horribly embarrassed by it. Another friend received some flowers at work from her boyfriend and cried with joy. My point is, you don't know if it's something she would be in to or not. I would give the flowers a miss completely until you are actually dating her, or friends at the very least. There is a fine line between romantic and creepy, and flowers from someone she doesn't really know is probably more on the creepy side, especially if she is seeing someone else... and he probably wouldn't be too happy about the flowers either. Get to know her, and if/when she becomes single, then you can think about sending her flowers or another romantic gesture.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2015): Of course I know her! I'm not some freaky stalker, I know her/ her family well, her sister says that the guy she's 'kind of' dating is hardly even in the picture and she's always moaning about him- I'm all about gestures and my question was - what is a quirky/ non heavy message to have on the note?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (6 September 2015):
 I agree with Honeypie.
Do you actually know this woman, does she know you? Have you ever actually spoken to her?
As a woman, if a strange man sent me flowers, who I did not know, had never spoken to, I might be a little worried.
The fact you knew where I worked, that I had an on/off boyfriend.... I might assume (rightly or wrongly) that you had been staking me!
I think that flowers are a wonderful romantic gesture, and I wish more men took the time to send them. BUT only from men I am dating/friends/actually know.
All you know about this woman and her relationship is what you have heard on the "grapevine" and you have to remember that gossip is like chinese whispers! It can often get changed, altered or adapted because people miss-hear, add their own embellishments, or want to make something more juicy.
She may have a rocky relationship, but it is not your business to go "saving" her from something you know nothing about. She may like being with an idiot - in which case would you want to be with someone who liked being used?
Why not go and get her to cut your hair- get talking to her, find out more about HER.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2015):
If she is seeing someone else, I don't really think it's all that appropriate or "romantic" for you to send her flowers.
No matter how much of a player or how unreliable he is. That's encroaching on someone's partner.
Why not just TALK to her in passing get to know her, let her SEE there are other options to that player without being Super Captain Obvious Obvious!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 September 2015):
 This would sound like an 80's movie but I definitely still appreciate romantic gestures. I actually had that done to me last year at my work place and my co workers were like ooh and aah. Chivalry is not dead. The message should be like, you hope she considers you as a date. You like her eyes/smile/positive attitude/ etc. If not, hope she enjoys the flowers and that it makes her day.
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