A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I want to know what people think is the approproate reaction to other people flirting with your partner (whether or not your partner flirts back)I'm lucky enough, for the past year, to have been going out with a very good looking and generally lovely man. He also has a lot of female friends, and many of them are quite flirtatious in their relationships with him, including in front of me. 90% of the time I don't mind this, as I know it's mostly a bit of harmless fun and they don't mean anything by it (many of them are happily marrie dthemselves) - however, every so often, one of them will be a little heavier with the flirting - start dirty dancing with him on the dancefloor at a wedding, being all over him when they're chatting, or shoving boobs in his face. I could just be paranoid, but sometimes I feel these women give me dirty looks, or puposely try and exclude me from conversation by talking about in-jokes or things that happened before I met him.I have to confess it makes me very uncomfortable and I don't think it's right. He never initiates the flirting, but he doesn't seem to do much to put them off either. I honestly don't think he's aware that I might not be happy about it.I really don't want to come across as the possesive, insecure girlfriend by putting my foot down too much, get into a bitchfight with any of these women, or insist that he exclude them from his life. (I know he split with his last girlfriend bacause she gave him grief about his female friends)But at the moment I seem to just stand by and let it happen, which gives the impression that I'm either perfectly fine about it and happy for it to carry on, or I'm too pathetic and weak-willed to intervene when someone's trying to steal my boyfriend.What's a good alternative? How can I approach the subject?
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female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 He should already know this is inappropriate and shouldn't be fed into, but it seems you need to spell it out for him. There's a line that shouldn't be crossed and by allowing it to happen, he's crossing it too.Anyone with sense would know this is something that would upset their boyfriend/girlfriend, so I don't think the issue is that he's oblivious. He likes the attention and the following ego boost, and either doesn't know or doesn't care that boundaries need to be set when in a relationship with someone else. It wouldn't matter if he were single, but he's not. You have every right to feel uncomfortable about this, it doesn't necessarily make you possessive or insecure. He wouldn't like it if other men were all over you in front of him, right? If you speak to him calmly about it, he may be more understanding and put the appropriate amount of distance between himself and his touchy-feely friends. If not, it's time to end the relationship and find someone that will respect you, not expect you to accept their inappropriate behaviour.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): You answered your own question when you wrote the following:
"I honestly don't think he's aware that I might not be happy about it."
Bingo.
The guy doesn't know.
Tell him how you feel. Tell him both sides, that generally its ok, but that sometimes the flirting crosses a line that he should respect. Everyone has a line, he just needs to know where yours is and respect it, and vice versa.
It seems that you aren't angry or jealous or possessive, you just want to be shown a certain ammount of respect, and that is something he can work with. If he can't show you that respect, give him the boot :)
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): Simply one question. What are you doing with a man that is allowing a woman to dirty dance with him? The only 2 women who should get away with that, one is a teacher so he can dance with you like that!
If any woman tries to steal your bf, it's up to your bf to reject them right there and then. And go back to you. If he's not doing this, then which ever slut tries it on, is welcome to him!
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