A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a long term relationship, we're both in our mid twenties. We live together and both work from home so we spend a lot of time together. My bf watches porn while i'm in the shower. We have sex twice a month since I stopped initiating. I know its normal for guys to still watch porn while in relationships. I want to be okay with it but it gets me down. Is it just a release that he needs and is easier to not bother me for?We did stuff last night and he watched porn this morning, it makes me feel like i'm not enough, despite the night before. Like hes not attracted anymore, which is why he doesn’t bother initiate. He stops for five minutes and looks like hes thinking before we have sex which I assume is him thinking of porn hes watched or some girl hes checked out.I know he loves me but we’ll be moving apart soon (him for his work) and im wondering how itll work. We wont be seeing each other for four months and hes conservative so there will be no sex life.I mentioned recently to him that sex is always about him, he skips foreplay/ forgets my part in our sex life, which he was understanding about but still doesn't completely understand. I don't know how to teach him without him getting insecure.I feel like I need to be wined and dined/ to know im special somehow and hes kind but very laid back and a bit emotionally closed, alot of the time I have to tell him before he realises somethings wrong, (eg he wants to work in different locations without thinking of me and expects me to follow him)Please let me know if the porn thing is normal or something to worry about, how I can ease my mind. And if im asking too much from him, or how we can be closer in other ways when hes moved away.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 August 2018):
 You say its a long term relationship? Has it always been like this with little sex or is it simply getting worse?
Twice a month is not very often, is it because he watches porn? Does he ever turn to you and initiate it or is it always you?
It is not always normal for guys to watch porn. My husband has never watched it while we have been together. I put it on once and he did not like it at all. So not all men need porn in their lives. It is okay for you not to be okay. You are not a doll you have feelings. Does he know that it gets you down? Have you spoke to him about how you feel?
Honestly it does just sound like a quick release for him where he has to put in minimal efforts to get a quick release. But what about what you want and need?
If he doesn't ever look for sex then this is a major problem. I am not saying he is not attracted to you any more but probably more that he is developing a porn habit and he finds its the best release. He is getting lazy and can't be bothered to make the effort anymore!
If he stops for five minutes to have a think then that would be very worrying for me. That would hit most women's confidence. Please tell me you have spoke to him about this?
I am sure he will be fulfilled for the four months he is away with his porn habit. You say you know he loves you, but is he in love with you?
He doesn't understand that sex is all about him? You both need to start trying new things, and you need to start being stricter and telling him what you would like! Maybe he is clueless but you can show him! Surely with all the porn he watches he knows how to please a woman. If he loved you he would want to please you!
You deserve to be wined and dined and to feel special. Being laid back is okay but he is downright lazy! He decides to leave for four months without even discussing it? It sounds like he thinks about himself and not you both as a couple.
Honestly I don't think this porn habit is normal. If you both still had an active sex life and he was making an effort then maybe but he is not and you are feeling neglected and insecure.
You are not asking for much at all, you need to go after what you want in life, and he really is not giving it to you. I honestly don't know how you put up with this. I would say end things but I have a feeling you won't as you are in love with him. But you should love yourself more and want more for yourself!
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (12 August 2018):
 What are you getting out of this relationship exactly?
No sex life, he’s selfish, inconsiderate, lazy. I’m failing to see what you love here. Don’t you think that you could find someone that treats you with respect? Someone who actually cares abou your feelings and treats you?
Why waste your life with someone like this?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (11 August 2018):
 I don't know why you're with him. You're sexually incompatible and he's sexually lazy.
His porn habit is because he wants a quick release with minimal effort. He doesn't care about you enjoying it; you're just a sex doll with no desire to him.
If I'm honest, it doesn't sound like a relationship that will last, whether he stays or moves away. I think you need to let him go and eventually find someone who wants you to please each other. Sex doesn't have to be foreplay-less and all about only one of you. He also doesn't want to date you any more and that's sad. You need to make each other feel special romantically, not just sexually.
Maybe try to communicate once more and be direct. "Watching porn is fine, Dave, but I'm not your blow up doll and I need to enjoy sex too." If nothing improves or he doesn't understand/care, you're not meant to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2018): I know exactly how you feel you feel unwanted unattractive and unloved my partner replaced our sex life for 3 months with porn I don’t mind him watching it as long as our sex life stayed the same he told me he wouldn’t watch it again which I believed then we stopped having sec again for 5 months then I found porn on his phone so I ended the relationship I now with someone amazing who treats me right
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