A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:[Mod note: Several questions from the same user combined into one.]FIRST: So my boyfriend of almost a yearnd off on a has in the past flirted with women online, trying to get their number calling them baby and stuff, i broke up with him because to me that is cheating even though he was not having sex with them! he wanted to get back together actually begged me, told me that he is goin to change so i gave him another chance,at the beginning things were great then i found out that a few months ago he was flirting with some of the girls at work, trying to meet them up at places, talking to them late at night when at work, there is one particular girl that calls him baby, i cnfronted him abut it and he told me that nothing is goin on, i told him that it will have to stop he does not have to call her anything and she has to stop as well, he said ok so we shall see! i know that he does not sleep with any of them because he sleeps here every night(he lives here) and if he is not at home he is at work or at his friends house, he treats me ok takes me out to eat, contributes to grocies and anything else that i need, he says that he wants t get married to me and settle down, but i do not know! what do you guys think and what would you do if you were in my situation? SECOND: My boyfriend and i got in to a big fight few days ago and i told him that i wanted to break up and that he should come and get his things( he lives with me) i di not mean it i was just angry we talked and i calmed down, lookin at his phone i saw that he changed my caller id from baby to my original name, i asked him about it and he said he did it because i made him angry the thing is we have been getting along great so far after the fight, why did he not change it back, it is not like he did not see it he called and texted me last night, d u think he does not care about me anymore?THIRD: My boyfriend has bad hygiene he does not brush his teeth at all and he does not shower the last time he showered was new years eve, he plays basketball, football and works and then just comes straight to bed, how can i tell him to take a shower with out making him feel bad?FOURTH: my boyfriend peed the bed this morning! he was so embrassed said he felt like a kid!! i tried to make him feel better but i do not know! the thing is that is not his first time all together he did it three times, what do u think the problem is? ps: he has no medical condition that we know of and he is 26
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): Ok I can feel where ur coming from because I'm going through some of the same things u r right now.1. If ur doing ur PART as his woman and he's happy with the relationship than he needs to get his crap together. If u have confronted him on this issue and he hasn't changed it for one he doesnt respect u or the relationship and he isnt taking it serious enough. Now settling down and marriage his definitely is not ready for that with his current behavior. My advice to u...dont even let him get on the subject of marriage or anything like that because he's not on that level yet and u shouldnt even consider it with what ur going through with him now.2. Dont stress the caller i.d. thing. It's honestly a waste of time.3. The hygiene thing...my bf is almost the same way but he knows when it time to clean up.Just tell him that he needs to clean up more often because with him being so active its not good to be that way. If that doesnt work than u need to man up and grab him and throw him in the tub and make him take a bath. U may even have to baby him to get the job done. Other than that I don't know what to tell u cause thats what I have to do and it turns out to be a fun activity for u guys. And it might even bring u guys closer. Just a thought.4. Now I'm not a doctor or anything but he needs to go get checked out. My bf is diabetic and sometimes he cant control his bladder. So he needs to handle that because it could lead to more things down the road. Its best to get it handled early just to be on the safe side. I hope I was able to give u some insite on ur situation and good luck!
A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (14 March 2010):
 1. I would be wary of any guy who has screwed around on me in the past (not actually having sex, but just flirting with the idea) and says he wants to "settle down" with me someday. From what I can gather, he isn't taking the relationship as seriously as you are. To be friendly is one thing, but to be sexually flirtatious is another, and he isn't going to stop overnight.
Before you two even think about "settling down" together, he needs to put his words into action and actually make a change, not just saying he will make a change.
2. I don't think you should analyse the caller i.d thing too much. Just see how it plays out, he might change it again in the future. I get the feeling his caller i.d for you is probably the least of your relationship troubles.
3. If I were you, I would tell him 'gently' at first, but then if he doesn't comply and clean himself up then I would be more aggressive. Not brushing your teeth for very long periods of time can severely damage your teeth and gums, so tell him that he needs to clean himself up for health reasons. Also tell him that it is very off putting for you, and perhaps he might wash. Or even offer to shower with him.
4. I don't really know how to answer this issue, because peeing the bed could mean several things, and I'm not a doctor so I don't know if it would be because of anything medical. Or psychological.
To be honest... he doesn't sound like a very good catch if he flirts with other women blatantly and doesn't shower or brush his teeth. I'm tempted to say you can do better, but most - if not all - of these issues are fixable. Good luck with your relationship.
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