A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok. I find myself in a situation where most females are on here on the website. Me and boyfriend well now fiance have been together for a little over two years. Hw told me he was in love very quickly and we just sprang from there. Everything isn't all peacy though, he has an ex, the girl he mentioned and used to talk about since thr day I met him. They were together for 4 years and he chased to get her back for over a year after they broke up, I came in the picture in that year he still wanted her back, but he didn't verbally announce it my female intuition told me. He always would say, I'm so happy u love me the way u do nobody ever loved me like this. Being that his ex cheated and destroyed his self esteem. I was wondering am I a rebound chic. Our relationship still continued after a whole year of bumpy roads including him still trying to get back w her, but the second year is pure bliss. No issues no problems ex girfriend who? But recently he starts acting weird, I tell him out the blue tht I wanted him to get rid of her pics that he keeps in a box under his bed, he agrees but he decides that he wantes to call her up and give them to her face to face, then from there he tells me that she wants to exchange christmas gifts and she wants some Halle perfume. Like really? So I'm sitting here contimplating am I blind to the fact that he has feelings for her still or is it possible that they really are just cool friends as he mentioned before??I need help time is winding down and I need advice. He just proposed to me nov 14 09. We were perfect before now... What's going on. And also the thought of him still loving her never left my mind because u can tell that he still has emotional issues from her, he would have flash back while we chill together and he will literally have to get up and walk around to clear his head, they would txt about once a month, and she visited him last summer twice, and one encounter I didn't know about til a week later this is all of which he tells me openly. He has had three phones w diff numbers and she always gets his number. I think u get the picture.....please help me.!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Also, I am sure he still cares about her and is sensitive to how she might feel learning that he is engaged, so allow him that opportunity for him to tell her and to close off that potential possibility that they may have ended up together again. He made his choice, so trust that he knows what he wants....but perfume seems a little over the top. You have to tell him how you feel and that you do not expect that he will remain friends with her and contacting her going forward with your lives together. Set a boundary that he can't cross. Of course you can't contrrol the fact that she may call him from time to time. So don't freak out about it, they have a shared history and she may just want to know what is new in his life, eventually it will stop once you are married.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): A the dreaded ex. He may still have some feelings for her. I think once you truly love someone those feelings never really go away, but they are just part of your past history.
I don't thhink it is appropriate for him to give her a gift of perfume on Christmas. Cool friends or not, it isn't respectful to his new relationship which is with you.
You can't control him but tell him how that would make you feel and tell him today.
He asked you to marry him, not her.
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