A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm with my guy for 6 years.... love him to death. Perfect on paper and in person. Handsome, outgoing, sweet and would do anything for me. He's my best friend and we're getting married in 6 months. Our families and friends love us together and we look like a perfect match. If all of this is true, why am I crazy about a man I know for only a year? Call this "cold feet" but I think it's deeper than that... I work with him and he makes me knees week like my fiance never did. I feel I know this man my whole life and I'm afraid I'll regret never giving "us" (me and new guy) a chance. We were both very careful when we first met not to get involved bc I was in a serious relationship - but we both care about eachother very much and it's hard not to miss him when he's not around. He's all I think about - and I know it's ridiculous. Life with my guy had been great, and it still is - I honestly can say there's nothing wrong with my relationship... but new guy is everything current guy is AND MORE. I'm a good girl but I'm really torn here. I've been so confused for months - do I become one of those people who break off their engagement? Do I really want to start over when I'm actually very content with what I have? Is "this new guy" really worth all this trouble? What if he's the one I'm supposed to be with - will I regret not giving him a chance forever? It's not about physical attraction or anything superficial - there's just a different level of connection I never thought existed. I don't want to make the wrong choice. Being around him at work is excruciating. He's respecting my current relationship and has backed away from me, but I know the feelings are just as strong and he'd have me in a heart beat if "changed my mind". I'm wondering if leaving this job would make this easier - maybe not seeing him everyday would help my feelings for him fade away. How terrible am I? I think I need to be slapped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Thank you all for your advice/stories/support... it's so easy to tell people what to do, but SO HARD when it's actually YOU in the situation :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Sappygirl is very right about one thing. That is getting married having a couple of kids then your tied down with no way to run. That happen to me and now i am alone. I miss being able to go places with my friends and having quiet time. I got married to young although i was 20 when i got married. I didn't give myself time to realize what i was doing and my future. i would postpone this marriage until i figured out what i really wanted in life. onces its done then you realize what you have done it is to late.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): if you need to be slapped then i do to. i was in the same boat as you.
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (30 March 2009):
 I think you love your boyfriend, but after 6 years you are bored with the relationship. Esp when you dated so young and never got a chance to see what was out there.
The relationship with the new guy is exciting, dangerous and forbidden. But what if this new guy want what is unavailable? Is that a quality you want in a man? I know your emotions are running wild now but eventually the "high" from a new relationship will die and you are left with the person and their character. Are you sure this new guy has the quality you are looking for in a husband? They always say follow your heart, but through experience I've learned that using your head will always lead you down the right path. I agree with the previous post, where if you have any doubts, its better not to get married. Though I wouldn't suggest jumping into a new relationship either. I think something tells you are just not ready to get married. And if this is true, you should listen to it. After all, it is forever!! Do you want to have 3 kids and regret not going out and seeing what's out there? The again, you re afraid if you let go of your great fiance, one day you regret lettting go the best thing that has happened to you.
Either way, this is your life and you are old enough to decide what you want and who you want in it. The only advise I can give is to think rationally. Put emotions aside and do what is best for you and your future.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 March 2009):
 Not slapped but you do need to cancel the marriage. This doesn't sound like cold feet at all. You need to have a long talk with your boyfriend. You will be making a huge mistake if you just settle for what's safe and never explore what might be with this new guy. It will haunt you. You may be hurting your boyfriend by breaking it off but think how much more you would hurt him by marrying him and being unhappy and end up divorcing him. Time to talk.
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