A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years now, I really love him, he is very good to me and we are moving in together now but we have had a bumpy ride up until now. I always really trusted him but can't let him out of my sight these days as I am too afraid that he will lie and cheat again. It started about a year and a half ago with ups and downs. He started lying about where he was going and wouldn't answer his phone when I called. I started checking up on him and caught him out a few times, but then he would just lie to me even more. I found text messages on his phone from a girl he worked with and his ex.He would tell me they wouldn't leave him alone but I later realized that he was the one calling them.I do not have hard evidence but I know that he cheated on me with them although he still denies it. I spoke to his ex and she told me everything,she even told me that he told her that we were broken up and that he wants her back. I do believe her because all her stories makes sense. He stopped everything about 3 months ago or so I presume and hope as his behaviour is not suspicious anymore as he is with me the whole time. I want to trust him again and move on but I still don't really know what happened. I question everything he says and does and I don't want to be like that anymore but what if he does it again. How will I know..
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cheated on me, his ex, move on, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): Trust is one of the most important part of a relationships. It's obvious that him cheating on you and then lying about it (still denying it up until now) has really damaged your trust for him. It might help if you are kind and open to him. Say it in a fair and kind way that you love him and to move on you need him to be entirely honest with you. Explain to him if he is honest it won't end your relationship but it'll help you to move on stronger then you have been before. It might hurt to hear him say the truth but it is better then you not knowing the complete honest truth which will also be helping you not discover your trust for him again. If he keeps denying the truth maybe he is telling the truth? or maybe he is is just lying which in that case you will have to question whether or not you want to be with a man who lies to you as further on in the future he could do the same thing.
A
female
reader, lexiegeneva:)  +, writes (30 December 2008):
Hey sweetie, its all about trust and if there's no trust, there's no relationship. If he stopped everything 3 months ago,he most likely won't do it again. There for, if you have a feeling he is cheatin on u again then remain calm and talk with him even if he denies it.
Xoxo
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (30 December 2008):
I think the question you should ask yourself is, if you really want to be in a relationship with someone that you really cannot trust. You trusted him before and he proved you wrong--you can't trust him. It's not healthy to have to constantly wonder what he's doing and just feeling uncomfortable because the thought of him cheating is in the back of your mind.
You say that you love him and that he's good to you. But he's really not. Sure, you love him. But he's not good to you if he's going to go behind your back to talk to his ex and a coworker and initiate some sort of fling with them and LIE to them as well as you.
If you feel that you really need to give him another chance to prove himself, then go ahead. Sometimes we need to figure things out for ourselves. However, considering that he corrupted your trust previously, he will likely do it again because he knows that you'll take him back. Sometimes we have to find out the hard way. It's hard to feel foolish in the end.
All-in-all, I think you should have ended the relationship when he lied to you and cheated on you. It is hard evidence that he cheated on you--c'mon you know that he did. If he didn't actually do anything sexual, he was at least thinking of it and trying to get away with it. He'll probably be sneaky and try to get away with it again, he cannot be trusted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): Sweetie,
You dont want to live with wondering if maybe. There are some men that cheat once and get it out of their systems. But you sound young and Im guessing you are both in your 20's. He might now be ready to settle down right now. I know you love him. But you need to wonder if love is enough for you and he to work. Its your choice.
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