A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a long distance relationship. Everything was going great until about half a year ago.Our daily routine for the first two years of our relationship is to Facetime for about an hour and a half to two hours, while having dinner and watching a movie online together, almost every night. Then we will spend a few hours doing our own things, and call each other for a brief chat to say good night before heading to bed.About a year ago he started missing our dinners and movies at night because he has to be on the computer to sell things online, or chat with people who seem to have a million questions about products he sells, or go out late with friends or he's too tired and needs to rest etc etc... During the first few months of this happening, I tried to reason with him and compromise on different times, that didn't work... then for another few months I got mad and we just argued about it all the time, that didn't change anything... then I tried different ways to get his attention for the next few months, that didn't work either... Then I started to give in and not care anymore. I adjusted my schedule to do my own things during the evenings, having dinner and watching movies by myself or going out with my friends. Suddenly tonight, he goes home early and wants to spend time together.. I was initially looking forward to this.. then something weird happened.. I felt uncomfortable being on the phone with him and having dinner together.. I actually wanted to leave. This was a routine we had for 2 years and suddenly it felt so foreign to me. I couldn't go through with it and ended up not spending the evening with him. I feel bad because I wasn't trying to make things difficult, and I was actually even looking forward to it.. but I don't know why when the time came, it felt so foreign and uncomfortable to me. Any advice?
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2016): That's good to know. You gotta make more of an effort now. All the time he spent apart from you was so that he'd get stability in his job isn't it? Moreover that's beneficial for both of you. Remind yourself of his traits that you loved, of the time you first met. Don't get too set in your routines without him. LDRs are tough -hang in there, it'll be fine from Feb.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2016): I''m the OP - We are planning on moving in together mid next year. He will come to visit me this upcoming February (it will be our 3rd year anniversary and Valentine's Day). During his visit, he will speak to my family to ask for permission to move me over to live with him. He is actually quite nervous and already consulting friends and family on what to say to me and my family. I am starting to look at job openings in his area and think realistically I won't get any interviews until after the Holidays.
So, yes, we do have plans in place to move in together. I just don't know why I''m feeling unmotivated and uninterested in spending my evenings with him. It's not like I''m doing anything either.. I''m just watching TV or laying in bed browsing the internet most of the time anyway...
...............................
A
female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (19 November 2016):
I've got another theory here .. I think deep down you have known that something fishy been going on I may be wrong please correct me if you wish.. but I think he's went distant and stop doing the dinner the movie .. basically took this down because he thought he'd found someone better .. or nearer or something and for some reason it's fallen through ..
And either .. its ran it's course or he realises she nothing like you .
I feel you know you've been trying to get close and he closed you out .. now he wants you back your instinct is this isn't right ..
How can he flake all of sudden and then think he can pick you up like some sort of toy ..
Ldr take a lot of work and being physically with someone is always the best way but sometimes that isn't possible ..my paps was in the war and he wrote to my nans daily .. There love for each didn't disappear because they didn't see each other .. They kept it alive by both wanting the same thing .. love like any other connection isnt all physical it's our mind's that sends those signals ..
The fighting didn't help it's pushed him away further though I think he had someone in the pipeline and was distancing himself .
You need to ask him.. why he wants these calls now ?? What's changed .. as what he did before was hurtful .
Ldr can work buy both people want it to and they need to be together at some point for good ..
Take care chin up
...............................
A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (19 November 2016):
I've got another theory here .. I think deep down you have known that something fishy been going on I may be wrong please correct me if you wish.. but I think he's went distant and stop doing the dinner the movie .. basically took this down because he thought he'd found someone better .. or nearer or something and for some reason it's fallen through
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2016): I''m the OP - We are planning on moving in together mid next year. He will come to visit me this upcoming February (it will be our 3rd year anniversary and Valentine's Day). During his visit, he will speak to my family to ask for permission to move me over to live with him. He is actually quite nervous and already consulting friends and family on what to say to me and my family. I am starting to look at job openings in his area and think realistically I won't get any interviews until after the Holidays.
So, yes, we do have plans in place to move in together. I just don't know why I''m feeling unmotivated and uninterested in spending my evenings with him. It's not like I''m doing anything either.. I''m just watching TV or laying in bed browsing the internet most of the time anyway...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2016): I don't think it's run its course. It's just that it'll take time to get back into this routine again. But I have to ask - how long do you intend to keep it long distance? When are you two planning to move closer to one another?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2016):
 I agree, I think the LDR has run its course.
If he for a LONG time didn't want to spend time WITH you (in the capacity of Skype/Facetime) and then you find that you don't really want to do that either, maybe it's because it's become a more of a chore then something joyful.
I have to say that LDR's rarely work. Especially LDR's that have no plans for no longer be LD. It's been 2 1/2 years of LDR at some point it gets "flat" when you don't get that physical bonding time. It doesn't FEEL as real after a while (for some).
How often do you two see each other in person? Because I DO think that plays a vital role in keeping an LDR going.
I think you two should talk. Neither of you seems fulfilled as things stand, so what can be done to "fix" that or... is it the "end"? Think about it and then talk to him.
And YES it's possible to LOVE someone and NOT be together. Sometimes it just doesn't work long term.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (19 November 2016):
 It is hard doing LDR and I think yours has had its day. There is nothing going on to sustain it. Unless you meet up regularly, and have things going on in your lives to share it becomes pointless, boring and in fact without substance. You can't manufacture love out of video links.
So sadly I think you two should discuss what's going on and perhaps decide to be just friends.
...............................
|
