A
male
age
41-50,
*pjake74
writes:I have been with a girl for two months, went out on a few dates before we got involved. We are not officially broken up, but she revealed to me that she was worried because she hasn't been having strong feelings for me. I don't have them either, but I have started to feel something for her, not sure what it is though. As soon as she told me that, I asked her if she wanted to break up. She revealed that she really wants to fall for me and has fun with me, the sex is wonderful, but doesn't know what it is between us. She has been under alot of stress with problems such as kids, money, dead beat dads, etc.I do admit I haven't been romantic and I think that is a big part of it. I have been really guarded in getting close because of a few past incidents this year alone. We got tiresome because of lack of money on both ends and couldn't go out and do the things we wanted when we were alone together. When we had the kids things seemed okay, i even took everyone on a trip to Chicago and it was an incredible day.So I ask if she wants to break up or just take some time. She asks me what we should do because it involves me too. I like her and would like to see where we lead, but I don't want to continue if she doesn't have feelings for me either.I then ask if she wants me to come get my things and she won't answer that question. And about breaking up, she won't answer that either. I thought everything was great until last weekend when we were flat broke and couldn't go do anything at all. It was boring and tiresome the whole weekend until the kids came home.What does she want from this if she doesn't say she wants to break up? Should i just get my things and give her time to think or move on? I just don't know what to think or do about it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Wow dude, you are 30-34 and you don't know what you want to do or are you just confused about her?
Two months is not very long to be with someone, why do you need to come get your things? Have you moved in already? If you don't have money to do things and you don't enjoy spending an entire weekend with each other, then stop spending so much time with her alone.
One of the quickest ways to kill a budding relationship is to spend too much time together. You need to have your own life, stay who you are and do some of the things you like to do as a single person and then share some of your experiences with her the next time you see her.
But don't ask her if she wants to break up...she will let you know if she does, asking her is like a guy who doesn't know what he wants to do.
Try talking to her and asking her what she thinks about spending less time together and keeping your own place and spending time with your kids alone without her...I am sure they would appreciate that as well.
Too much too soon it sounds like to me.
And there are a lot of fun things to do that don't cost a dime, you just have to be creative. Go for a walk downtown and have nothing in mind, just explore your town and have a fun conversation while you are doing it.
For example. Go hiking in a park, go for a bike ride together, go to local flea markets or pic nics or festivals, go to a free wine tasting....on and on.
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