A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im past my 100th date and during dinner the man I was with said that he and I would be family forever. I Was wondering if anyone knows what "family forever" means within the relationship.. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 April 2017):
 Oh, I was thinking you were settled. So there is a point in relationships where you have to take a risk. It is a balancing point. You wonder if they are trustworthy enough for you to take a significant risk. You do trust them but in the back of your mind you wonder if you are too trusting. I can't really help you decide where that point is. It's too distant for me to feel it. And in the end even with your best efforts you may still get it wrong.
Another thing you are talking about is who takes the lead. I think that letting the man take the lead is all fine and good IF . . . .
If he is leading.
If he knows he is leading.
If he is willing to lead.
What I was suggesting is not so much assuming the lead as declaring your position. This is Where I am, with no pressure for him to match that. Women much younger and correspondingly foolish-er than you have a way they do this. They say "I Love You" and if he doesn't respond properly They are in here the next morning crying their eyes out because he has no feelings for them. You are ahead of that. You are mature enough to own your own feelings and let others come along at their own speed.
I would say that at this point you both are suffering from a lack of confidence. This is to be expected at your stage of life. You both need to open up to some deeper conversation. Now that will have to wait until he is off deployment but it is something you should both be planning for.
The military family life is a real challenge. There is nothing quite like it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFatherly advise
Yes I'm frustrated and worried. Frustrated because I don't know where I stand and worried that if I pour my heart out it may get broken. Yes, I'm willing to do that within reason.... I feel it's more flirting at this point and yes even with the months past, but that's LDR!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, he's had a happy sorta stable life lived all over the world father was military as was his father before him... I never had the impression from his words that he wasn't happy just well versed!
I've never brought up the subject of being exclusive because I don't want him to feel I'm needy that I'm not nor pushy if that makes sense. I've always felt let the man led. However after reading your words maybe it's best to let him know of my feelings.
Slow is exceptable because of the children that may be involved in time.
I want to thank you for all the advise most appreciated ??Yes, it has helped
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, he's had a happy sorta stable life lived all over the world father was military as was his father before him... I never had the impression from his words that he wasn't happy just well versed!
I've never brought up the subject of being exclusive because I don't want him to feel I'm needy that I'm not nor pushy if that makes sense. I've always felt let the man led. However after reading your words maybe it's best to let him know of my feelings.
Slow is exceptable because of the children that may be involved in time.
I want to thank you for all the advise most appreciated ??Yes, it has helped
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 April 2017):
Now we are getting somewhere. Thanks :)
OK 100 dates over 10 months with deployments and children. It sounds like ye is fairly committed to you and is putting a lot of effort into making sure dates are happening as often as possible.
No sex at this point is an interesting thing. When you say respectful I think that points to both of you abstaining for religious purposes.
He has children so he isn't reckless which also explains why he is moving slowly. Smart man.
Here is what I think. I think you and I are wrong about the family / sister thing. I think he has become very comfortable around you. He isn't yet ready to move into a second marriage because he is cautious. But he would very much like to be exclusive with you Long term. That is what I think he means by Family Forever. He is not pushy so he didn't ask you to be exclusive. He also understands how hard that is with military deployments.
When you are ready for it you can go ahead and tell him that you are exclusive to him. His reply will likely be that he is already exclusive to you and that he is very happy that you are committed to him. He is military which leads to a high level of discipline in some men. He looks like he can wait for a very long time for you to be ready.
You know about his childhood but you are very stingy with words (perhaps you are cautious, that's OK). A lot of my interpretation of his actions and words is based on the unfounded idea that he had a happy stable family life as a child. He has failed to achieve that for his children, yet. But very much desires to. You will have to think about how what you know fits in with my guesses.
One thing I'm pretty sure about is that he is happy in the relationship and wants it to continue. I'm just wishing I knew if he wants to stay as is, or if he wants it to progress, or if he is waiting for a signal from you.
You describe your feelings as slowly moving along. He seems to be letting you set the pace. You also seem a little frustrated and worried. If you assumed you were in the drivers seat here, What would be your next move?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAge of relationship 10 months.Change of dating yes, more time LDR (temporary as in change of dates)Sexual negative very respectful Living together negative (military deployed) Religion nothing to help Exclusive.. haven't discussed Deep are feelings? Slowly moving along Children 2 him 1 mine no they have not met His childhood? Yes I know about it Negative meeting parents I jumped to the Sister conclusion because LDR Communication isn't lacking email, skype ( he controls I' understand) texts I just never heard the term or phrase family forever spoken other then say among friends who feel like family or within my network of family..But that's different meanings. We count the dates because we return to memories of our time together while he's where he is. Nothing more nothing less.While we are separated I live my life work, activities, family, vacations, etc I'm devoted to this man LDR plus military doesn't make it easy however I'm willing and work at it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 April 2017):
Thanks for the followups. I'm going to toss some math at you. And see if we can make heads or tails out of this.
100 dates. At one per day Would be 100 days, 14 weeks, 3 and 1/4 months or a really short time in relationship terms.
An average of 3 dates / week would come up to 233 days or 33 weeks or almost 8 months which would be about the time in a relationship that you would really want to know what the status and probable future of the relationship is and making statements like this, is a good way to get that kind of information.
An average of 1 or less dates per week, would tell us that you are really obsessive about counting dates, and that the relationship is around 2 years along, and That there is no formalization of the status of the relationship. And all of that points to a very unhealthy relationship between a crazy stalker and a commitment-phobe.
So since you are willing to engage in this conversation, let me tell you what kinds of hints we need.
What is the age of the relationship?
Has there been a recent change in the pattern of dating?
Is this a sexual relationship?
Are you living together?
Is there anything in your religion or culture that might help?
Are you exclusive? Have you talked about being exclusive? Or is it an assumed exclusivity?
What do you want the answer to be?
How deep are your feelings?
Do either of you have children?
Do you know anything about his childhood?
Have you met each others parents?
You jumped to the sister explanation very quickly. What leads you to believe that?
Please help us.
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWiseOwlE
As much as I'd live to ask him I'd rather do in person not over the phone and unfortunately that opportunity will not happen in the immediate future due to our jobs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFatherly Advice.. 100th date is just that we've passed that. As far as more hints I can't because that was said over dinner out of the blue. Very unknown to me. He's not Mormon so I'm thinking love of a sister as you've stated. Thankyou
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2017): Why ask us? Ask him!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (7 April 2017):
Heck, I'm wondering what 100th date means. Give us some more hints.
Family forever would be a marriage proposal from a Mormon.
Or it could mean he loves you like a Sister.
I'm really grasping at straws here.
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