A
male
age
41-50,
*inclair
writes:I met my ex at a coffee shop where she worked, where I had been going for some time. We dated for 8 months during which time she said it was great - I was her soul mate, best friend, best lover, etc. She dumped me about 6 weeks ago after I had a brief relapse on alcohol. Well, I really tried to make it up to her - I loved her and missed her. She just wanted to be friends - that didn't work either. I still go to the same coffee shop, but she emails me asking me not to come in when she is working - it makes her uncomfortable. My issue is that she is the one who broke it off - why should this be hard for her. Honestly, I do not go to see her - I have many friends who hang out there. What do you think is really the problem and should I even consider her request?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): She is the one who broke it off, why should this be difficult? (to see you without her having any control over you coming to her place of work)
Why, she is a human being with feelings, she wants to break up with you because she is smart enough to know that she can't really have relationship with a person with a substance abuse problem, and it sounds as if you do have one and are in what they call recovery.....you are at a high risk of relapse, and you should not be in a relationship while you are trying to recover...She on the other hand finds it emotionally painful to have to see you, especially when she has to work there and has no choice but to stay when she would like to leave....she wants to get over you, and that takes time...
I would respect her request, find another coffee shop, ask your friends to join you there.
Peace.
A
female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (17 January 2009):
 It's probably hard for her because she still loves you, and seeing you makes it harder for her to keep her resolve. For whatever reason, her seeing your relapse with alcohol made her realize she could not handle a relationship with someone with that issue.As far as who is it fair to...I don't know. I'm sure you don't want to make her uncomfortable on purpose, but to expect you to avoid that place when she is working when you've been a patron for a long time is going to be difficult.If you care enough for her, maybe you should honor her request for a few months, and then don't. If she still has an issue after some time has gone by, I would say the problem is hers to handle and not yours.
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