A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been in a relationship for 6 years and am now living with him. Last year he went travelling for a month in Europe and by accident i found a diary from when he was away saying that he'd been to a strip club and had two lap dances. One with one girl and then another with two girls both involving him touching them. We have been together since high school and never even gone out with anyone else. So the thought of him touching another girl is replusive to me. But i don't know what to do as he has been very good to me especially when i was ill as a teenager with depression and exhaustion which caused me to break the relationship for a month of which he still cared for me as a friend.I feel that i am a good girlfriend and please him in most ways and i thought we had a good relationship.im sorry if im rambling but i would like to know whether i should confront him or let this go? and how most women feel bout men going to strip clubs?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): As long as women put up with it it will go on, so for the sake of womankind as well as herself I think both the last answerer and you should give your men up. They are not good enough for you and by keeping with them and letting them get a way with it you are letting everyone else down. IT is time we all took a stand.
However, the last answerer is not correct to believe her fiance when he says all men do it. I know plenty who think it abhorrant. I would suggest changing your circle of friends if they hold that kind of values. You know something wierd, I wish it was like 10 years ago when this did ot happen. it is another kind of greed now that we have moved on from gambling and alcoholism, drug taking and fast food. This is another addition and it makes women look like idiots for selling their bodies. They do it at our expense and make our lives bloody miserable because they are too lazy and narcissistic to get proper jobs. It seems a tempting idea to join a local church and meet some good caring people. That or join a charity volunteering group so it is possible to find people who put something in to society and are interested in the welfare of other people, rather than being consumers even of the female sex. It is as a new layer of slavery is coming in under our noses. The women doing it are groomed into thinking it is quite OK, but I know for sure they damage themselves and regret it later.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): i feel your pain.
I just found out last week that since my fiance and i have been engaged, he has been to 5 strip clubs ..it has only been 5 months. He lied to me and didnt tell me and then i found a text message where he told his friend that he went and still lied to me about it until i drilled him.
so, i have been to strip clubs, always with him, and most of the girls are like prostitutes, grabbing and touching, and being NASTY!
my man knows i dont like it, promised me he wouldnt go, and went and lied to me. 7 years worth of relationship alomost thrown down the drain for some NASTY girls.
i asked him if it was worth it and of course, he blamed me for him going. in my case, i am dealing with a boy, not a man. a man would not do somehting that would hurt his girl and especially not 5 times! and i am the dumb one who forgave him where really i DESPITE him for what he did and going behind my back.
he says that all guys do it. so do i take my chances and leave and find another guy who will probably do the same thing to me. there is no winning with this one. guys are just direspectful and will NEVER see it our way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): The question-asker said her partner interacted physically with the lap dancers therefor presumably had some form of sex with them (blowjob perhaps?). That is being unfaithful as far as I am concerned, not the same thing as watching a standard strip (which I would not like either but could just about bear even though it would make me feel ill!). The trouble is people who don't go to these may not realise that going into private booths (which they pay for) has a purpose and it is a fact. One bloke on this site said his penis went inside the lapdancer and he was a bit worried about it for example. That is a common occurrance as lapdancers are usually groomed into providing sexual services as well. Lapdancing is promoted as a harmless occupation by our current laddish society. This is very hurtful to many women. The key I suppose is to have a common understanding of what betrayal is with your partner. So for example if you both agree it is OK to have a sexual encounter like this, it would be OK for both. Not one person having to accept behaviour in their partner which he or she would not accept from them. In fact, I would suggest that this young lady tells him and also says that she has decided she want to try it too. Then she could hire a hunky male escort to have some fun with. I wonder whether the bloke she is with would think that OK. For me it is also about whether it is right to buy sex from people especially when in a relationship. If someone want to do that they need to be single and play the field. Buying sex with a person who doen't want to do it with you is really quite revolting as a notion to me. That is what this is about, it is not simply stripping. Lapdancing mascarades as something it is not.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (13 May 2008):
 Try this, ladies:
http://thetyee.ca/Life/2006/01/06/NakedTruthStripping/
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (13 May 2008):
I find it amazing how much hostility women feel towards strip clubs. Everyone posting a reply here is a woman, every single one is almost unremittingly hostile.
For men, going to a strip club is nothing so momentous. It may be something he does with the boys (very occasionally, not constantly). It may be something he does when he's away from his woman for an extended period of time. It's not usually regarded as infidelity, and it's not thought of as disrespectful to his own woman.
Does anyone know why there is such a divergence in attitudes?
Actually, I've heard that women can also get quite excited over male strippers, stuffing money in their jocks, etc. I certainly wouldn't find it upsetting if a woman did that, and I wouldn't think of her as unfaithful or disrespectful. What would women or other men think of this?
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A
female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (13 May 2008):
 Have a look at a website called www.object.org.uk. There is an article by a previous lapdancer on there, who says she would now treat a visit to a lapdancing club as infidelity.
If it were me I would not take this as a sign of trustworthiness and dump him. Simple as that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): Yeah, you've just got to ask him about it. But when it comes to what I feel about strip clubs.. Well I can totally understand why men would want to go, but not when they have a girlfriend that pleases them and they have a good relationship. You'd think that they'd feel bad if they went during a relationship. But it often seems that this is not the case. I also believe it's quite demeaning for the girls, but if they're in it because they want to be and not being basically forced because of financial situations, then that's okay I guess. But I'll never understand how guys could ever just forget their girlfriends and enjoy another woman. Something I'll just never get I guess.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): I think going to a strip club is a pretty pathetic thing for a guy to want to do in the first place. But I could forgive it so long as he was looking and not doing any touching.
To me, however, getting lap dances is totally unacceptable. Ask yourself this: how do you think he would feel if you two were out at some dance club together and you went up to some random guy you thought was hot and starting rubbing your boobs and ass and genitals all over him? Your boyfriend would probably be damn pissed, right? Well, his getting a lap dance is no different - oh, except that he's paying for it and doing it behind your back, which makes it even worse. There are some who would argue that it's not the same because the stripper is initiating it, she's coming to him; well, yeah, of course she is - because he's PAYING HER TO, which means he is initiating it.
When a guy pays for a lap dance, he's initiating explicit physical/sexual interaction with a woman who is not his partner. If that's not cheating, than I don't know what is! Just because money is changing hands doesn't make it any better.
Personally, I would drop like a hot turd any man who disrespected me so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): I would never put up with a b/f going to a strip club, I don't understand men in relationships that do or women that put up with it. Speak your mind
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