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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm afraid of getting too close with a girl I really like because I know that I will have to leave her. I'm afraid of not being able to keep her interested in me.I'm afraid to touch a girl in respect of her.I think I'm more afraid of her acceptance than the rejection.Honestly, why do I have so much respect for women? Sometimes, I wish I could just turn my mind off, and just act without thought or reason. Why am I so pathetic? I hate being lonely, yet I'm not even sure I can handle being with someone. I've been feeling ever so lonely lately. It's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. I've dealt with unrequited love, and I just can't let myself start up another potentially worse relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): I think you've gotten the wrong idea about respect OP. You know women yearn to be touched and held by guys, within reason of course, so being afraid to touch them is not respect, it's deprivation of something they actually yearn for. I mean come on you hear the love songs, have seen the romantic movies women love the feeling of being touched. The trick is not to be sleazy about it and that's easy, you just gauge their level of comfort with you by lightly touching non-controversial places when you're talking to them, like the elbow, the shoulder, the upper/lower back. If a woman will let you gently rest your hand on her lower back while you lean in to talk to her and it doesn't make her squirm then she's comfortable with your touch.
First off you're not pathetic, you're irrational, big difference. It's not rational to fear women, they want us guys, even girls who are not interested in us personally generally want our attention. Why do you think they get dressed up and put on loads of makeup when they go out? They say it's for themselves and for other women but if no guy ever gave them any attention when they dressed like that would they still do it?
OP I understand your fear as I too had it, I understand why you think it's respect because I felt that too. But neither make sense given that: A. Women want to be wanted, they want to be desired and they want to be wooed by us guys. It's what they want and B. How can it be disrespectful to someone to give them what they want, to do something with them that they enjoy?
Time to bite the bullet and get out there and try. You will fail, you will be incompatible with some girls, you will say the wrong thing and ruin your chances, you will come on too strong, you will come on too lightly and not show enough desire but these aren't bad things OP, they're learning experiences and they're essential to the whole process. You may even be lucky enough to find a great girl on your first time of trying.
It's the easiest thing in the world, the most important things are to do it without fear, or just go past your fear and try anyway. You're 22-25 now, are you going to remain lonely and lone forever or are you going to grab life by the balls and actually try? Because you can sit there and mope about how lonely you feel or you can be the kind of person who sees a problem and gets up off his arse and solves it in a positive way. Which one of those traits do you think is more attractive to women?
As for unrequited love, that's a fools game, something a lot of women think is romantic for them to be etc. but for us guys it's pathetic, because again it's easy to avoid that. Unrequited love is just a person who doesn't have the balls to either let the person know how they feel, wait and hope for it to magically happen on its own; or they have done that but they insist on keeping the object of their desires close to them instead of walking away. Just don't do that and you won't go through that pain again.
OP there is nothing scary, magical or intimidating about women, they want to be pursued, they want to be loved, desired, fought for and swept of their feet and there will plenty of women out there that want you specifically to do those things for them but how are they ever going to have that if you're not actually out there trying?
Enough of this shit now OP, there is nothing wrong with you but an irrational fear, the only way to conquer fear is to do what you fear and never let it stop you. Simple.
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