A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last weekend my boyfriend saw her ex wife and he told me that he feels a lot of resentment, anger for her but someone he still sees as the woman he marriedI told him that maybe he still has feelings for her, that he should try to talk with her and try to work things out (btw this was one of the hardest things to do) but he told me he didnt have any love feelings for her, that he didnt want her backThey divorced because she pretended to be someone else before they got married and after the wedding she turned to be something different, really jelaous, possessive, angry woman, not the one he married.What do you think he meant with what he said to me?
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female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (5 September 2010):
 Glad to hear you have enjoyed the first year and that you are satisfied with how it went so far. I figure that he has already wasted a bit of time, and it shouldn't make sense pursuing a relationship that doesn't seem promising.That said, hopefully he gives himself and you an opportunity to really develop as a couple, it's good to have a wait-and-see attitude but some become too cautious perhaps, having been burnt once already! As they say, actions speak louder than words. Don't dwell so much on how he phrased something. Take it as a good sign if he doesn't talk or think too often of her, not good to have one's feet stuck in the past. And if he finds comfort in sharing his thoughts with you on this and other delicate matters, when he does, I think you are already good at listening and in terms of reacting.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've been dating for a year now and he is been great, sometimes we talk about that, his divorce and everything but it's hard for him to open up and I understand but I hope that someday he'l feel comfortable enough with me to share what he felt.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to deal with a divorce, if breaking up with someone hurts like hell and you take your time to deal and forget about that relationship, I can't even imagine a divorce situation.
Thanks a lot for your advice, it helps a lot!!!
Take care!! =D
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A
female
reader, bitterblue +, writes (4 September 2010):
I don't really think you should worry. How long have you been dating? The ex factor - a delicate topic for many, while you are able to nicely talk about it, this is interesting. Your boyfriend shared a story with this woman and they even tied the knot. He is a divorcee now. It's normal to remember sometimes. I think he probably remembered her for who she was before things started to go South. Before she became jealous, possessive and all the rest. It's like having flashbacks of an empire that used to enrich a now plain field. This is what the phrase communicates to me.How nice of you and what a character strength to tell him to work things out with her in case he has some left over feelings. However, in a way, we can have such reminiscent feelings, after a relationship that marked us very much, but they can be feelings of a non threatening type towards a new relationship. This depends A LOT also on how stable the individual is, on his ability to discern and judge what he wants and on his strength of character.My conclusion: don't wear a troubled look and continue to encourage the open convos. This is beneficial for the relationship and you have demonstrated you can listen to less pleasant topics very cleverly, and without becoming jealous as his ex. I hope he appreciates that. Best of luck.
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