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anonymous
writes: I met the most amazing woman ive ever met the day before she moved away ( about 250 - 300 miles away )last october. We exchanged numbers and talked to each other pretty much every night sometimes for hours. She came back home for a week and we spent a lot of time together and got on really well and became a couple. We continued with the calls and i went down to visit her over new year because i had some time off work. Since then the calls and everthing have pretty much stopped. Not because we have fell out but because it is just upsetting us both never being able to see each other properly. She can't move back and it would be hard to move there with her without a job and i really dont want to lose her. I love her and i know she loves me too. What can i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Sandy, writes (15 February 2005): Being apart definitely is not easy. And sometimes the more you see each other the harder it is to deal with the fact that the person you love is so far away. I think you should bring up your feelings to her and talk about the fact that it is hard. Honesty is important in any relationship, and it may help you both here since you are in the same boat. As much as you hate to hear that the other person is feeling as bad as you do about this, it's also comforting at the same time because it means that you're both still willing to do what it takes to make it work. I also suggest taking it a day at a time. Try not to worry about the future as much. If it's meant to be then you both will find a way. Honestly, you're not going to want to hear this, but you can't ask her to move back if she is doing what she wants to do. Just like you can't ask yourself to give up your life to be with her. While that is a wonderful gesture and shows how much you care about her, part of being in a relationship is compromise. Both of you should have a chance to lead your own lives, and slowly intertwine them in to one. Best of luck.
A reader, R.C., writes (8 February 2005): Talk about what you want - this will involve the two of you talking! If you honest-to-God truly want this to work, then you'll be happy to consider finding a job where she is, even if it takes some time. But if this isn't an option for you, then maybe that's an indication of how likely it'd work out. I once dated a guy who moved to Canada for a while and he wanted me to move (I live in the UK) because he missed me. I didn't want to give up uni, and that pretty much told me that this wasn't going to work out. The same applies - if you can't consider sacrificing time and effort to be with her, then you're not meant to be.
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