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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I are dating for 4 years and 5 months on the 06/06/2005. He's 25 years old and I am 21 years old. We got engaged on Valentines day and were busy planning to purchase a house. We have gone through so much things simply because we still live with our parents, but I have very strict parents but they never got involved in our relationship as much as his family does. But no matter what we went through these past 4 years, we still ended up going out for so long. Two Saturdays ago he comes to me and tells me that he feels that we not working out any more but he will tell me the next Saturday what goes for what. I asked him in the week if I could try to convince him to not break it off with me and he says yes I can try, but he made up his mind. Saturday passed and I didn't have a chance to tell him what I had prepared to tell him and he tells me it's over, just telling me that he feels he's not the man for me and that he's not good enough for me.Now we have been having a problem with his eldest sister which he's very close to him, who doesn't like me. He has given me another chance this Saturday to try and change his mind. I can see he doesn't want to break up with me because his has that expression on his face of I dont want to do this but.... So My question to you is: Is he perhaps having an affair and is to scared to tell me in the fear that I might freak out? Is his sister pressurizing him to break it off with me as she likes one of his friends more than she likes me and yes his friend is another female? What do you think I should tell him on Saturday to convince him not to break it off with me? I really need your advice and help as I love him so much and we can't just act as if the 4 years we are together never existed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): I know you think that four years is a termendous investment in time, and as a percentage of your life span it is. But you have a lot of living yet to do. Move on.Maybe he realizes something I already know. Twenty one is to damn young to be married. But really there is nothing that can be or should be said to change his mind. Take him at his word and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2005): Darling,I understand that you love your boyfriend and you have been with him for a long time but do you really want him to be with you because you 'convined' him to stay, that will not feel satisfying for you later and may tip the balance of the relationship so much that you will always feel like you have to work to keep him. If i were you on Saturday i would tell hm that you love and care for him and want to stay together, ask him what the real problem is and reassure him that you want to be with him, but if afterwards he decides that he wants out then respect his decision, and be prepared to step back. If he decides that he wants you both to split, don't beg him, its quite a quick decision he is making so maybe if you show him that you are fine alone he'll come running back, but believe me thats the way you want it because only then will you know that he really wants to be with you. And in the worst case scenario and you do beak up, hard as it may be to believe now if its meant to be it will be so maybe theres another hunk wating for you just around the corner.I am in a similar situation, my boyfriend of 3 years and i are breaking up i love him very much but he has cheated on me for at least the second time and i'm heart broken, i've been living with him for nearly a year and tomorrow i will be moving out alone, i feel like i am doing something i don't want to do if it wasn't for all this cheating rubbish i would still be planning my future life with this man, it hurts so much but i'm teling myself that since he cheated i'm not loosing anything, the fact that i'm moving may be horrible right now because i know i'll miss him (i know its crazy) and i'm just feeling sad in general but in the long run things can only get better, and there is no point in us doing things now for an easy life that we ourselves know will not be good decisions in the long run, so hold it together babe and hopefully your boyfriend will realise what he's loosing before its too late.xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2005): Hi,He could be having an affair, or it could be because of his sister, or it could be something else, it's hard to tell.In order for you to be able to say the right thing to get him to stay with you, he needs to actually tell you WHY he is breaking up with you. It is inconsiderate of him not to since you have been seeing each other for 4 years and are engaged. He HAS to tell you why, and if he doesn't, I'd be asking myself just how much I could trust him, and just how close we are? The answer he has given you sounds like an excuse, and it sounds to me like he knows he is good enough for you because why else would you be with him and want to stay with him?It's obviously heart-breaking for you, but you have to take control of the situation: tell him you want to stay with him, but if you are not going to stay with each other, you should have the right the know why, and he should tell you - no matter how bad he thinks you'll take it. You need to be strong, and he needs to be open.Good luck.
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