A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a troubled relationship for the past 6 years. It has been on and off and he has cheated with numerous women. I recently took him back and we began counseling and therapy for his bi polar disorder. I am supporting him and I went to his apartment and discovered that he has been watching a sex tape that he made with a woman that he cheated on me with. I am crushed. I've never been able to let him go and always take him back. I'll never get the image of them screwing out of my head. I'm tormented. Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): Leopards don't change their spots. The dating relationship sets the ceiling for the marriage-it never gets better after marriage. Men who cheat on you once will continue to do so. The love of a good woman cannot change a cheater. The more time you waste on him, the less time you'll have to meet a real true lover. Give him the boot, honey-and consider yourself lucky to be the one that got away. Since you've taken him back before, you know what to expect...do you want a LIFETIME of heartache?
A
male
reader, daver +, writes (29 November 2008):
The question i wrote in was much more involved but it strikes of the exact same situation. Wife newly diagnosed as bipolar, cheats for the 1st time(SINCE married), lies on top of lies, horrific images, etc. Ive taken her back several times prior to marriage for indescetions that were less than sex with other guys(I say guys because one of her indiscretions was with a girl). I have put everything i have into making this work EVERY time until it finally seemed to level out and we ended up married. Finally she connected with a puppy love boyfriend(not serious then) and enede up having sex with him. Shes devastated and doesnt even remember parts of it and has no idea why it all happened. I have an education in psychology which is one of the reasons Ive tried to make this work SO many times. Bipolar disorder is one of the most destructive conditions a person can have while maintaining a relationship. So many aspects of the disease go against EVERYTHING that a relationship stands for. Even once diagnosed it usually takes years to get the proper meds and doses straight to be effective.She and I are separated and im trying so hard to find a way to put what has happened behind me. I fear that I cant, and she was the one person in my life that made me believe that we are truly meant to be with one person. I rarely ask for help, but I actually wrote in asking, like you, because I am so miserably depressed and have no idea how to deal with this. And even if I do deal with it, it seems that there is no hope for my wife and I, which makes me feel destined to never be with the person Im meant ot be with.If there truly is 1 for each of us, I assume that there are people who never find it, some that are blessed with it for the rest of their lives, and others who are lucky enough to find it but cant hold onto it. I suppose I should be thankful for the great times we had and the incredible memories we created while we were together, but i have the impossible task of trying to live the rest of my life wothout her, and even worse, having to eventually see her once she/or both of us find new relationships(due to my son). I wish there was a magic equation which could make you and I feel better. I really do, all I can say is that in your heart you know what the right thing is to do for yourself. Doing it and dealing with it are another thing. So far, the only answers Ive gotten were 3 people who all said I need to get a counselor/psychiatrist to help me, and I believe they are right. Id love to just take her back again and go on with liofe but its to a point where if I did that, I could probably find many things that will make me happy(until the next time). The problem is, if I am to maintain any respect for myself. I cant do that. I wouldnt even be able to look myself in the mirror. I know this sux but at least yu are in an easier position to make that decision. You arent married and it doesnt sound as if you have children with him. Im so sorry, but we are deserving of love, consideration, and RESPECT. We obviously cant get it in what we have, so maybe its time to look and see if its somewhere else we'd WANT to get it from. Again, Im so sorry, I truly know EXACTLY how you feel. It haumts me to the point of tears all day and then it sontinues right into my dreams. Its just not fair. I hate that I know someone else like you has the same pain from the same thing. No one deserves what you and I are going through. Please feel free to email me [email address blocked] (not even sure if I can put that on here) Ive never been a big religious promoter BUT I am often told by people who care about me that God doesnt give us more than we can handle, so maybe we are strong enough to deal with this while others wouldnt be and thats why we are so lucky. I hope that you can find some peace when you close your eyes rather than have those images play like a movie in your head. I wish you all the best and can only say to try to deal with it day by day.
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (29 November 2008):
 PS... bipolar tend to be promiscuous. They really can't control themselves.
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (29 November 2008):
Just have to learn to accept he is this way and deal with it as best as you can hour by hour. I have a similar situation. When you love someone and you are more miserable without them, have to somehow find a way to cope. Not easy!
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