A
male
age
30-35,
*icky79
writes:Ok, one of my friends recently lost her virginity, and she has done it again with a different guy about two weeks afterwards. Neither of them wore condoms, and she's only 13! She said that she wanted to have sex with me next. I declined the offer, but I began to worry about her. She is very irresponsible, but she is my friend, and I want to help her. I'm worried that she'll have a baby in high school with a guy that doesn't like her. Is there anything I can do to help her realize that she could really hurt herself?
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male
reader, nicky79 +, writes (25 June 2008):
nicky79 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Oh, and thanks anonymous too
A
male
reader, nicky79 +, writes (25 June 2008):
nicky79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, your advice is appreciated (-:
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 June 2008):
 Well, first of, good for you in being a responsible person. A lot of guys would have just used her and dropped her.
There really isn't that much you can do. Young girls have no fear. They are often highly protected as they grow up as kids, far more sheltered then boys and just not ready to accept that at some point they have to be responsible for their actions.
If she is willing to listen to you at all, try and simply inform her that she should go on the pill at least. If you know an adult whose opinion she respects and who you can trust to not over-react perhaps you can get him/her involved. It might cost you your friendship but what is more important at this point? Stopping her from risking serious harm to herself from either an STD, or an unwanted pregnancy or how she feels about you?
You did the right thing but frankly if she isn't willing to listen, there is nothing you can say. If she is still talking to you, after you refusing her, try and use whatever influence you have left to convince her to at least use protection but be prepared that it just won't do any good.
She is her own person and that means she has the right to make her own choices even if you think they are wrong. Remain her friend, be there for her if she comes for help but... I really wish I could give you a way to help her see that she shouldn't do this, but practice just makes me certain that you can't. I am more worried that you get involved to deeply. It can't be easy to see a friend get into trouble but sometimes there just isn't anything you can do.
I applaud you for caring, but make sure you don't get to involved in this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): You are being a really good friend by respecting her and not having sex with her. Are you able to have her trust? Can you sit down and try to analyze with her why she feels the need to have sex? You should not try to force her or judge her, just tell her you are worried and would like to talk about it if she wants to. Sometimes girls have sex to feel loved, or attractive, or wanted and she might need some reassurance. Maybe something at home is not going well and she is venting through the newly discovered sex.
You could also look for some information on STDs and HIV (maybe something interesting) and discuss it with her. If you continue to observe this behavior on her you should look for an adult as a counselor or someone you can trust that will not get her into trouble. I understand you not wanting to tell on her, but if you can confide in someone, do, they will be better prepared to deal with this situation.
I admire you for taking a stand at such a young age. Thats what real friends are for, not to take advantage or judge, but to help and be sincere with friends when they need it the most (even if they don't appreciate it at the moment). Kudos to you!
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