A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:ok at the weekend there me and my friend sort of had a heart to heart.I had went down to her house to get ready to go out and we had a bottle of wine as usual, then we sort of had a conversation which left me really ocnfused. She just came out with " you don't realise how much i envy you and your life " and i was like where did that come from? She said that shes been so jealous of me for about 2 years now and it skind o fmkaing her sick. Because i'm such an outgoing friendly person that when we go out i would talk to anyone and would usually get a few guys numbers. She said she envys the way i get all the attention when i'm out and that she has always wanted to live the care-free life that i lead. I told her that my life is far from care-free, i work 60 hours a week, i'm at college another 30 hours and barely get enough time to see my friends, a saturday night is really the only time i get out. BUt i guess i'm just good at hiding my emotions, i just tend to get on with it really. A few years ago before my friend had met her current boyfriend an before she had her kids, she was the outgoing bubbly one, basically i just used to be the shy retiring person that would only really speak when spoken to and it was her that used to get all the attention. Now don't get me wrong i wasn't jealous of her because thats who she was and thats who i was at that time, but now she's said that to me, about the present time, its making me quite paranoid when i am around her.I don't want to hurt her feelings in anyway and really don't want her to envy me at all, i always have tried to include her into conversations that im having and always introduce her to people she hasn't met before. What can i do to make her realise that my life isn't really one to envy? Its really all i can think about because she is one of my best friends and i don't want things to go sour between us.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 November 2009):
Just talk about her... Encourage her a bit and make her see she can do anything. Her life isn't over just because she settled down a bit early.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am still kind of confused, should i try not to talk about myself to her at all? I don't usually talk about myself really that often, i am always there for her trying ot help her out with whatever problems she has, whether it be taking the kids out for an hour to give her a break or giving her advice on her boyfriend etc.. and she always says what a good person i am.
I'm not wanting to tred on egg shells here because thats not really who i am, i don't want to have to watch what i say around her incase she may get jealous of it, I mean we share gossip on our lives, thats just what we do however i'm wondering now that if i should just try and see what exactly is the underlying problem here.
I don't exactly boast about my life in anyway, infact i feel quite the opposite to her, i don't let my emoitions get the better of me because i don't like to burden people with my problems (well except you guys). I like to always look on the good side of things and i tend to worry about things only for a while because i don't like the feeling of being low. Maybe thats what she means??? i don't know
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 November 2009):
I think it's not your life she envies, she wasn't saying that you have it easy compared to her.
What she meant was that she is jealous of the WAY you live your life. Also you are free while she is tied down with kids and everything.
You are happy and confident and she is not really.
You have freedoms that she doesn't.
You still have your youth while she has to be an adult for the kids.
I think it's not a case of starting a "who's life is hardest?" contest, and more about reminding her what she can do with her life. Would she start a home business?
She probably just needs a bit of excitement in her life so she can feel like she's living again.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): when ypur havingone of your girly nights start telling her about all your problems let them all out,
trust me she will definately feel the luckier one then and you wont have to mention envy again
plus its always good to let your emotions out once in a while
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): Nothing you can do. Just be yourself and be happy about who you are and dont let this change you. You are not responsible for how she feels. If she wants to make her life rotten by being jealous, thats her problem, not yours.
However, you can sit down with her and have a heart to heart again, maybe hear why she changed, if she misses her old self. Do not start to talk about you, your life, or defend yourself if you do talk to her. Her perception of you steems from how she sees her own life. Could be a sign she is unhappy about her own life and the changes that have happened to her, and the only thing you can do as a friend is support her and be a good listener if she wants to open up and tell you how her life is now.
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