A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:He's still married and we are expecting our first child.I'm 18 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. We've known each other for 5 years. We met our first day of High School when I moved to FL. We dated a little back then but it wasn't the right time. We were best friends for years. He got together with someone else (who I never met) after I moved back to CT. last July (2006) I found him on myspace. His ex would delete my numbers and make him change his number so we couldn't talk. During the time I lived in CT he had a baby with this girl (but doesn't know if she is his or not) and then they got married last June (2006) She didn't even move to Ohio, she went back to FL. Said she would move to OHio and never did. Well a month after they got married I found him on myspace and we clicked again. He told me the marriage was stupid and they didn't even have one because she never went back to OHio. I went out to visit him and we decided to get together that October. I moved out there. He was supposed to get an annulment by then but didn't. Now it's been over a year and we are expecting our first baby on November 5th. He says he can't really afford the divorce because we are in debt and what if she won't sign because she is still caught up over him. She's tried starting things to break us up over the phone, but it didnt work. I love him with all my heart and our relationship is great. Besides him being married still. We want to get married but can't till the divorce obviously. How can I convince him to get this started. Because everytime I bring it up he gets mad and frustrated because I cant "let it go" because he can't afford it. What do I do? What do you all think?
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best friend, debt, divorce, his ex, moved out, myspace Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Agreed. Offer to pay for the divorce, and then dump him when he comes up with some other reason for not doing it.It's that simple.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): Offer to pay for it, and since he'll probably say no thanks, dump his ass. He isn't going to get a divorce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): My paternity test was $600.00. $200.00 is not a lot of money!! Seriously I worked up until my due date in a job where I stood all day & lifted items & couldn't sit but once a day & I am fine, my child is fine. You could work part time in reality. Unless you're already like 8 months pregnant. But you shouldn't have to light a fire under him to get him to want the divorce. If he loved you as much as you say, he would do whatever he could to get the divorce & marry you. There's not a lot you can do if you can't financially help out. Just keep nagging him..
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 August 2007):
 Well if it is money then you can only save what you can whenever you can until you have enough to file, but if there is something else holding him back from filing you need to find it out and talk it out with him. What else can be said?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLet me ADD to my story,
She is the one that said she doesnt think her baby is his. He supported that child until that point. After that of course he is going to think if she is his or not. Plus she told him and his family that she cheated on him during the time she got pregnant. And she brought all this up after they had gotten married. A paternity test is about $200. I do not have a job because I am pregnant. I had to leave my job because of it. So I can not save the money. He was supposed to get the annulment before I moved out to ohio to live with him. However money was a big issue. and still is. He knows for a fact that my child is his, because we live together, and I have no way of cheating on him. Plus I would not cheat on him because he is the love of my life. Also, I am not pressuring him into marrying me. He wants to marry me as much as I want to marry him. And not just because we are having a baby. Which we are BOTH happy about.
On what the last person said : The only thing I can say is you better be careful, because if he treats his WIFE that way, he isnt going to treat you much better:
She was the one that left him, and said she would move to Ohio but she did not. So he moved on. Moved on to me. And we are extremely happy in our relationship. The only thing in our way is this divorce, which I have asked him several times : Are you sure you want to be with me? and he says YES!
I am asking people on here : Does anyone know a way to light a fire under him to get this divorce done.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): She says your head isn't screwed on straight because you got pregnant by a married man. That is what she meant. It's quite obvious. I don't know if you're working, but you should look into the cost of a divorce and then save your own money to give him. I have a feeling that financial reasons aren't what is holding him back though. Are you sure he is going to support you & your baby? What if he starts denying your child as well? Mabe he is afraid to get a divorce b/c since his wife is in another state he doesn't have to deal with that child, and he doean't want the divorce b/c then you will be pressuring him to marry you. And you will not leave him, making him responsible for the child & you. I have a feeling this is why he's holding off. You need to ask him to tell you the honest truth. And if he thought that baby wasn't his, why didn't he get a paternity test? The state will help pay costs and he could have gotten one done for free. If he denies paternity of your baby, you need to take him to court & they will court order him to take a paternity test & he will then be legally responsible for the child if he is the fahter. I hate to say it, but I think you're in for a rough time. I hope you have a supportive family. This guy doesn't sound all too reliable.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (23 August 2007):
 Well, I will try to be a little more gentle in my approach but in a lot of ways "anonymous" was right. Instead of concentrating on when your "Baby daddy" is going to get a divorce you should be thinking about your child. It is a bit crazy for you to have a baby with a man who is married. If I were him I would be irritated with you pressuring me into a divorce when you knew he was married from the start. Now that you are expecting baby you expect what? If he cant afford a divorce, how can you afford a child? I hate to say it but sometimes the truth hurts. Another question... Why would he marry her if she was lying to him about the paternity of their child? Sometimes women can be so stupid they will believe any story a man gives them. The only thing I can say is you better be careful, because if he treats his WIFE that way, he isnt going to treat you much better. Oh yeah and good luck with your baby.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 August 2007):
I'd start keeping back a little of the grocery money until you have enough saved to pay for the filing costs. It's no fault divorces in most states, pretty sure in Ohio as well so he can divorce pretty easily even if his wife drags her feet. If he still doesn't want to file after you have the money end covered then you are facing an entirely different issue. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did not sign up for this, and post this personal question to get an answer like that. Let me ask you... how is my head not screwed on straight? And how dare you say something about my child. You shouldnt even be able to answer anyone's questions!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): MESS,MESS,MESS. Oh!YES! And what a mess you both are in. Don't think that anyone on dearcupid is going to be able to help either of you. Me,I pity the children who have to live in such an unstable relationship, because three people cannot get their heads screwed on straight.
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