A
male
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*ude007
writes:Hi there I posted this about a week, and i followed advice from this website sort of...anyway here is an update, and previous post.....help folks...Previous PostHey there guys and girls, i have an issue, about one month ago I had a split with my girlfriend, of 2yrs (on and off)... We had a big argument, about nothing which turned into -....- I told her if she wasnt happy then i will catch her later!....She said its not as simple as that...., but then spurned into a huge fit, went mental, and started arguing, we both did and then she asked me to leave. I did packed my stuff up, and met her a week later, tried to convince her but nope she refused...Now I am sooo missing her, ive emailed her, called her, texted her, and sent flowers..... she has said its over, but Im more concerned that she feels she doesnt need to see me right now...and I know the fact she gets upset - she misses me...I was out in the local bar, my usual daily beer, and she didnt even come over to see me, her sister did, we both got upset, and then my when she did come over and she got upset and dragged her sister away.....Im sooo on a looow right now, I miss her soo much, but I dont want to annoy her and keep on contacting her, as its me thats done all the calling, and contact..... She says she is not ready to see me and would feel awkward, why is this?, she says we would have nothing else to say than why we split up!?we were best friends, lovers, she is not the sort of person that would cheat, I think her pals are tellin her to keep away....? but im not sureplease can you advise me,we have spent all this time together in 2 yrs, nearly everyday - will she miss me? How can i work at her? how can I get her back...?She wont even let me meet up with her or see her...its driving me crazy..or should I leave her be now...... please help me, as im on a serious low, dont even feel like getting up in the morning anymoreupdate.Its been 2 weeks since this post. It was my birthday last sat, and I recieved a nice email askin how I am doing, and have a great weekend from her etc. then I was out for a few drinks on thursday, I saw her in our local, so we actually chatted for a bit, but I had a few too many and said lets sort this out "she sort of got upset and said look not here"....which is fair enough, then her pal started getting involved, telling me to calm down.. I did, left it said bye to her and apologised at the end of the night.Got a text on the sat (day of my birthday) happy birthday basically.So I ended up celebrating my birthdy, and went wild met a few different girls out, frm bar to bar, and ended up sleeping with one, woke up next day didnt feel to bad....but didnt want to be there, girl was nice, but not N.and now im back to square one, missing my ex, trying to decide whether to contact her, or leave her be.....its messing my head, I am 26, and know there is plenty of ladies out there, but no one compares to N.Please advise...you guys have been great so far....Jude
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reader, jude007 +, writes (31 January 2007):
jude007 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell its one year on and its happened again.
I started a new job, was travelling long hours after xmas, and coming home and we didnt seem to get on after xmas, I was late on xmas day as I didnt get to bed till 5am, she went crazy forgave me....but i sensed i hurt her....
after a great new year together, we had a few tiffs, and then when we had an argument (silly) about what one of her friends had done (put an embarrasing photo of her) on her bebo site, we never really spoke, I was tired fed up of arguing, and never really said much the next day.....
I got drunk while away overnight with my new boss, went back to hotel, and phoned her, was mean, and said we should take a break.... (i think i was looking for a reaction) but she then got upset, and really upset...
I realised what I did the next day, hungover, tried to call she said it was over, and that i had a split personality, and that she was raging with me......and didnt want to speak to me......
I have emailed, and tried to speak to her she refuses, Ive just sent her a text saying that I miss her, love her, and know I lost my way, but I know she is determined about not seeing me as i suspect she is still hurt........
What should i do? I guess im asking again......
We should never have split up, i accept im not a good relationship talker, or listener...but I cant do anymore i dont think, I know when we are good we are good, but things can go bad at times as well.
A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (12 April 2006):
 Hey there jude..
Im glad that things are looking up for you with your ex girlfriend and I am also glad that you have some kind of contact with her, I understand that you missed having her in your life..
The fact that she doesnt regret it is really an achievement and her admitting things to you about your past relationship as a couple is also a big thing and maybe she wants to try again, this could be her way of clearing the air...
Good Luck
Best Regards
Jacqueline
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2006): HI Jaq, Jude hereOne week has passed, we talked and talked that night, got very drunk ended up in bed together, and then both admitted didnt regret it, but then saw each other a few days later - lunch - went back to her flat, nearly went back to bed - but just kissed.She now admitted a few things - she feels that we argued/annoyed each other at times, thinks that my girl (pals) were all over me, and that she was concentrating on the bad points of the relationship - as if she concentrates on the good we would end up getting back together.....she admits that...Ive now become tired, and we are intending to meet up every so often but I know that will all change when we meet someone new! - she has already heard a rumour that I was seeing someone else!?!?! - which is bullAnyway who knows what will happen - but at least i can be a friend for her at the moment. Which I guess i am happy doing, it will take along time, or someone special to be happy as I once was...thanks jude
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A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (3 April 2006):
Hey there
I read your posts all over again and I sense that you are
excitied about the meeting and maybe that isnt a bad thing maybe you just want to be friends, and there is probably that wondering thought "What If" but I do think 100% that
you are not really over her..
I think that if you are wanting things to work on a friendly basis then go and met her but leave the meal and drinks unless it is really necessary...
I understand that she is obviously a bit ill and maybe emotional too about her situation... But that is not your concern now that you have parted... I also understand that you feel the need to be there for her and do so If it helps your situation aswell...
Although in saying that I am happy for you that you have some kind of luck in all your heartache recently, I just really hope you get things back on track....
Good Luck
Jacqueline
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2006): Hey jaq, you will not believe it, she had an opp at hospital today so I texted her wish her well, she said that my letter was nasty!?
Anyway I was bout to leave it when I thought - fk this i will phone her I wasnt nasty, after several mins disagreement - we calmed down now meeting each other - she admitted her head is all over the place, but she is really lookin forward to meeting up.....
Im over her now i think, not sure if meeting her is the right thing to do....but im game for it...
I think I will surprise her and take her for a meal and drinks??
Cheers
Jonathan
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): Thats what you think.No one compares to her.Mabe they don't but you can't cling hoplessy to this realtionship anymore.Go out there and have some fun.You don't need to be in a relationship to have a good time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): Thanks jaq - I think I have done as much as I can do - and I know her I know that she will come back - but this has made me realise Im better off without her.......I have closure now
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A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (28 March 2006):
Hey there Jude..
I just want to congratulate you, You did an admirable deed and It was the right thing pet..
and you most certainly went the correct way about it..
Sending the email meant that you will get your point across in a pleasant way.. You worded it thoughtfully and you choose the words carefully as you spilled your heart out and got it all out of your system...
I am glad that you are the sensibilist sort who did not dive in with guns blazing, but that you worded it so thoughtfully and sensibily that she maybe would now realise the hurt you have been going through, and the guilt she put on you when she was messing with your head..
Im very pleased that I have been able to help you overcome the relationship that you were in, and Im honoured to have helped you to overcome it now...
Good Luck For The Future..
Hope to hear from you soon...
Jacqueline
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): this is an email I have sent her today - your right Jaq enough is enough.......... time to move on.
"First of all don't take this the wrong way - But Nic this has been going on for nearly 3 yrs - You could have split 20 times and I would have not cared - I know that at times I was difficult - but as a said majority of people accept me for what I am - and in time I calm down, and that is why I realised I have such good friends and most people have good opinions about me.
I have always loved you more than any girl in my life, through thick and thin, and even when we parted each time, But I have spent all night thinking about this each night for 6 weeks - and I was fine until you emailed yesterday - Im not looking for a reaction, reply or anything, and I know im not making a rash decision - im doing the right thing for me and you - and Ive finally thought with head.
Sorry but i deserve better, as I say im not bitter or resentfull since the way you have been since we split, and being single has made me realise that, and it should never have been made all this difficult, and I dont think we should ever have split so many time either - but you have chosen not to have me in your life - its hard to admit but I know ill find another you.
I just hope when all the anger, pain, and hurt moves away you wont realise what you gave up, although I wasnt always honest, or showed you what I tried to preach - I was proud of the way I treated you, and thought to make you smile each day, and thats the reason you came back each time. But now you have more or less cut me out your life. But because of the way I am, I do understand and I do admit defeat - so im giving you what you want, and giving each other there lifes back.
Anyway - Enjoy the concert I bought you for xmas - at least I know I can walk away happy knowing that the last thing I did for you - will be for you to experience happyness which I tried to give even if it is for one night.
Anyway enjoy your bonus and your new life, your half way there you have great friends and family - We both deserve happiness - something I never thought we would do apart, or I would be let alone be writing this.
Take Care
J
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A
male
reader, jude007 +, writes (27 March 2006):
jude007 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thanks, just want you to see the email she sent me, about the argument in the bar..Before this email I had we were talking chatting away, and its seemed good until I asked her to meet up! we split up on the 20t Feb, and I really dont know how I can or what to say?! alot of my girl friends say that girls want what they cant have!here is the email - as I say we were fine.....then she mailed me this..Email from N"Don't know if you remember what you said to me last Thursday? But you were really mean/nasty to me and you haven't really contacted me to say sorry or to explain why! Obviously I understand that you were really drunk (that's why I ignored you), but you basically told me never to contact or speak to you again??!!! So for that reason I obviously don't think it would be a good idea to meet up!! - I don't want to mess your head up and for us to fall out altogether, that's why I thought it would be better just to send occasional text/email/call...."thanks for your advice, Im not a shy guy, im well liked where I live popular, and never had a shy social life! - but this girl - 3 yrs on and off and its just something I cant get out of my system.....lord i have tried!
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A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (27 March 2006):
Hey There Jude..
Hey, Don't feel bad about turning to me, Thats ok,
Thats what I am here for!
I think that this girl is playing with your mind,
she probably thinks that you will go back with her and she is being selfish and playing on it..Hence the fact she questioned why you hadnt contacted her..
Which is probably her seeing you deciding to move on..Which I mentioned in the other answer..
You really need to decide whether or not you are over this girl, and when you are, sit her down and explain to her whatever you decide and put your point across strongly, so that she gets it..
I am sorry if I sound bad... Although this is the only way you are going to be able to get on with your life...
Dont feel bad as this is a common problem in Relationships and the best one always comes out on top ;-)
Best Wishes and Warm Thoughts,
Let me know how you are getting on,
Jacqueline
x
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A
male
reader, jude007 +, writes (27 March 2006):
jude007 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey Jacqueline, an update, im sorry to turn to you, but i dont really speak to anyone else bout problems...Ok a week has passed and I left it, she emailed today after a long silence, just as she would mail normally, asking how i am doing etc...however I asked to meet up, she then emailed said not a good idea? because she was scared we would argue..and she also complained the fact I had not contacted her...Im totally confused mixed signals, either she has met someone, highly unlikely or she is scared of something if we meet, I told her that it would be easier if we did meet up, she never replied...Im confused why is she mailing me?, what should I do? I know I maybe should have waited before going in for the lets meet up, as soon as she mails....anyway I will hope for your help again, my heads a mess again, I was feeling alot better now feel a bit low today after all this..
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A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (23 March 2006):
Hey its ok.. I know that you could do better..
It just comes with time and a little more confidence..
Let me know how you are doing, I hope you get on alot better than you have been..
Im glad I was of some help to you..
Jacqueline
xx
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A
male
reader, jude007 +, writes (23 March 2006):
jude007 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks jaqueline, Its crazy I know - and I prob could do better, but one month after splittin up its still has its ups and downs, and I dont imagine she will not be missing me, or maybe she isnt.....who knows....its at the stage now where she contacted me - said that she has got her bonus from her work, asked how flat hunting is doing, and that she was back at the gym.I thnk you are right, I will delete her number, and get rid of the memories..thanks again, Its wierd when it happens to someone else you tell them to get over it. however when its yourself - very hard! - tough to take.....even tho still feel linked ina sense
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A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (22 March 2006):
Hey there Jude,
I really feel quite bad for you.. If this ex girlfriend of yours is more interested in what her friends think then she is not the type to be running after, People do change after break ups, they wallow in what their friends and side kicks think..
Im sorry if I sound blunt but you really do deserve a whole lot better, and believe me, there is better out there... You say that no one compares to N, How you know that if you wont let anyone else in??
Of course you were back to square one, You had a reason to celebrate and it kind of took your mind of the problem..
You need to clear your mind of your ex she obviously isnt the greatest one for speaking her own thoughts she has to get her pal to do it for her..
You should get away with a close friend, Clear your mind and relax..
When she sees you moving on, she will come back beleieve me, and then you will see how much you have been missing out on...
Good Luck Pet, Thoughts of warmth are with you..
Jacqueline
xx
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