A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:we've been Trying to conceive for over a year and a half now and both of us are self employed and super stressed out. So I decided that for my husbands birthday I would surprise him with a trip to the Netherlands to see this band that he loves! but now I'm super scared about surprising him. We are in a relatively good place cash wise but he is always stressing about money and spending. he's very practical and while we are saving for a deposit on a house ... we haven't gone away at all since our honeymoon last year and the TTC stuff with miscarriages is so stressful. so I figure with everything that we need a break. But I'm worried he will hate the surprise! He's not very spontaneous. though I know he will enjoy himself on this trip!! Do I suck up any bad attitude if I tell him beforehand ? I would love to show up at work (I will arrange cover for him) and have his bags packed and just tell him were going on a surprise trip and take him to the airport!! What are your thoughts on surprising someone who hates surprises and is overly focused on finances!!? thanks and sorry for the long post!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2017): OP here... Thanks for all the advice, it has all work well in my favour. Last night he said he is ao desperate to go see the band and suggested their London gig. I "looked up" tickets and told him they were sold out! Then this morning i told him i have a surprise planned for his birthday and he would need two days off and i gave him the two days after the concert date so he wont twig it. He seemed happy to take the days off. Im much less nervous now since he has expressed the desire himself! London would be more expensive. And i can still surprise him with tickets and trip! Lets just hope he doesnt look up the concert in London himself and see that i lied about sold out tickets lol!
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (22 September 2017):
We don't know your husband but, from what you've said, there is no way I'd surprise him with a trip. He may love the band but he may very well not want to spend the money to see them live. Buying a house is a very strong desire for a lot of men and he may resent taking steps backward in saving for it.
A surprise is great but in your case I wouldn't surprise him with anything that costs more than a day's salary or takes him out of town without warning. Personally, I find that anticipation of a vacation trip is one of the great parts of it, and I would rather savor the excitement of what I might experience as opposed to just getting thrown into it. But surprises are wonderful...there must be some simpler things he needs or wants to do.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (21 September 2017):
 Personally if this was my husband and he had money worries and hated surprises then I wouldn't surprise him. It might take the fun out off it for both off you if you keep it quiet. I honestly think the best thing to do in this situation is to sit down and have a chat with him and tell him how much you need this break away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2017): Well, for the type of man you've described your husband to be; I don't think he will see the well-intentions behind the surprise. He will feel hi-jacked and might get upset that you didn't consult with him first. Personally, I think you're a wonderful person; and after what you've both have been through, it is well-deserved.
Call me Mr. Practical. I earn a good living; but I'm penny-wise and well-educated about finances. I've met someone who is a self-made millionaire; so money is not something he really worries about. He works hard, he is financially-secure; so he thinks nothing of splurging large amounts of money. I feel very uncomfortable being the recipient of his constant flow of generosity; and his spontaneity is off the charts.
We're both mature-men; and he had to reset my mindset, so I can enjoy the fruits of our labors. I concern myself with retirement and investment. He pushes me to enjoy life; so I've come to let myself realize that money is just money. You can't take it with you, when life comes to an end. So live! Do things for yourself that make you happy with it; not just pay the bills and stash it away.
I'm getting better. I'm not going to be wasteful or a spend-thrift with "his" money. I'm very comfortable; and I was doing whatever I wanted before I ever met him. He's the one who is now pushing me to enjoy letting go of money for a little fun! Not always feeling guilt about those less fortunate; because he reminds me that our money is hard-earned, and meant to be spent. We never forget to give to charity; but we also have to enjoy our blessings.
I think in your case; you should tell your husband what you have already arranged. Expect his reaction; but I think he will settle-down into it. I think he will realize your kindness and the thought you put into doing something special for him.
Even if his reaction negative and totally opposite of what you want it to be; stand your ground. Tell him you both need it; and you're not budging. Which is how my own mate has turned me around. I still feel weird spending $1000 for one dinner; or three nights in a five-star hotel, just to wait and see a good Broadway play.
I'm doing it with him, and that makes it all the more special for me. His thoughtful kindness overrides my "practicality and frugality." I hope that is how your stingy old husband will see it.
I wish you the best, and God's blessing of the child you both want.
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A
female
reader, liveasyoudream  +, writes (21 September 2017):
'surprising someone who hates surprises'.. To me this answers the question already. Do not surprise someone who hates surprises? ;-) Have you ever surprised your husband before, and did he enjoy it? With a trip like this, I can imagine that it would be nice to know before hand. My ex didn't like surprises and definitely would not have liked this. He needs a bit of time to get used to things, and he liked to prepare and plan. I tried to surprise him with a spontaneous plan (for a short weekend trip) once, and it resulted in us not going on the trip at all. The idea sounds exciting, to you. But not to him, it would seem. I'm sure you can think of a way to announce it in a festive way, without it being on the day of departure. Hope the time away will give you both some joy, rest, and time to connect. Wishing you luck and strenght and happiness.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (21 September 2017):
 I'm so sorry about the miscarriages. That said, if you're saving for a deposit on a house, perhaps having a baby right now isn't ideal, as they are a wonderful and rewarding, but a money pit, which means your husband's stress and frugal attitude is wise. Perhaps if it's only a 2 - 3 day trip, it may be okay?
Surprising him at work is probably a bad idea. He'll need time to process it and possibly get excited. It will just put him under more pressure if you give him no time.
When surprising someone who hates surprises, you generally need to give them space to accept it. I'd give him as much time as possible to process it.
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