A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My guy wants me to talk dirty to him on IM, and I totally freeze up every time I try. I know it ticks him off that I can't follow through and I feel so guilty about it, but every time, I panic and my mind just goes blank. I think part of the problem is that I've never so much as been kissed, so when it comes to sex, how am I supposed to know what to say?! I do kinda have some ideas of things to say, but no idea how to actually say them and make them come out right. What exactly does a girl do during sex to please a guy and how can I put it into words without sounding like a whore? Also, what on earth is wrong with me that I can't do something this simple without freezing up? Oh, and I'm 18, so it's not like I'm too young to be doing this. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): I'm not a girl. But I do write a lot. It is easiest to write about the things we know. Without a great deal of research the wrong details will jar. Without a great deal of writing skill the research will way down spontaneity.So don't write about intercourse -- you don't know how it feels, what feelings it causes in you. But you can still write about sex.You could talk about masturbation, how you do it, how you feel, how it makes you feel. You could talk about fantasies: how would you feel if he helped?. You could talk about the small things: how getting dressed of a morning reminds you of him, or whatever your own small things are.You could also share. Ask him what about you turns him on. Then reflect his answers back with your feelings about his answers.You could be provocative and explore boundaries. Pick a fetish you think from your sharing that the two of you might have in common.You could have games. Does he know how to undo a bra? Ask him to tell you the fist step. You follow that step at your end and tell him how it went. Eventually it will fail hilariously. Can he guess what knickers you are wearing. More interestingly, can he guess why? Or make up your own game (eg, I've just this moment invented "body battleships" where you place a finger on a part of your body, your partner guesses where, and you say N, S, E or West)The other reason not to write about intercourse is that it is untrue. You are trying to build a relationship here. Sharing inner truths is one of the things that cements relationships. So use your sexy IM time to do two duties.As for how to say it. Simple writing is simply done: tell the story aloud as if he was in the room and write those words down.Now, a word of grown-up advice. Use the phone for this. There are two reasons.(1) IM is just too clumsy a medium. It's too easy to be misunderstood and hurt someone when that was not your intention at all. It's just dreadfully inefficient. And texting is worse.(2) IM can log everything. Just as you know not to send intimate photos or video, you shouldn't share intimate text. You don't know if he is logging it, or where it will appear in a few years time. You might trust him, but do you trust his computer never to get a virus? Consider all those poor girlfriends of Edison Chen.All I've said about writing, use that for talking on the phone.
A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (7 March 2011):
I agree with others. But let me add something. Just because you dont feel like doing that doesnt mean u dont love him nor that you wouldnt have anything sexual with him, so tell him tht to avoid putting him off
Be yourself. If i had to choose between someone experienced or not, i would choose inexperienced so i think he will understand!
God luck
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