A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 12 years left 8 months ago. He started living with a girl 12 years younger then him right away. As of today he has also not filed any kind of divorce papers. We have spoken in spurts off and on in this time but the day after what was supposed to be our 12th year annivarsary (After not speaking to me for about 2 months) He has started text messaging me everyday. (we live 3 hours apart) We speak as though we are best friends sometimes and at times talk kinda dirty. (which i dont feel guilty about because he is still my husband) I know he is still with the "other girl" but i do know that when he speaks to me it is only when she is not around, i'm not sure as to why.Im wondering what his intentions are. Is he getting tired of this other relationship or is he missing me? Is he showing signs he may be coming home someday? It drives me crazy sometimes trying to figure it out.
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female
reader, mamiluv32  +, writes (23 July 2008):
I've been through this. My husband of 8 years cheatd on me and I found out. I eventually worked up the nerves to leave him. Then i gave in to himn crying and telling me he was sorry and regret it what he did. It was a huge mistake on my part to take him back, i wasn't happy I couldn'trust him. After about 8 months tryin things out, he cheated on me again. I found out and eventually left him. And he moved in with the girl he cheated on me with. Anyway.. he started calling me after a while, flirting with me and talking dirty to me and even went as far as to tell me the problems they where having. I started falling for this, because as you put it ( I didn't feel guilty he was my husband). But then I started thinking, he cheated on me he is with this girl and now when they have problems he comes calling me. I am making it easier for him, and he is not truly missing what he had cause im still talking to him. So i decided to tell him you made your bed now lie in it, if you have problems that is obviously what you wanted cause if not you would have never cheated on me to beging with. I filed for divorce and he was so shocked an came crying wanting me and begging me to go back with him. But i realized that no matter how much i loved him- and missed him. He didn't deserve it and that i was never going to be happy with him.I am now divorced and happy!! And he is miserable in his relationship... you can see it from afar.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 July 2008):
 Why do you care?
He left you. Even if he gets tired of this one, will he celebrate your 13th aniversary by going leaving your for a girl 13yrs his junior?
It can't even be called an affair, he left you for 8 months.
How is the finances? Can't you just get a divorce on abandoment?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): this in some way has happend to me in the past.He most likley calls you when they are having problems and thats probly what he did when he was you, for him to start living with her right away means she was in the picture during your relationship.it may not sound that nice to think about but you need to stop thinking or hoping he might come back. you should cut him off he is just using you to feel some tipe of stisfaction when he is having problems in his new relationship.its like your kissing his booboos and making it easer for him.and turn the plate around what if it was the other way would like your man talking dirty to his ex or running to her every time he has problems.you need to show him that when he left he made his bed and now he needs to lay in it.think of all of your good cuallities and every thing you gave when you were together he probly is finding out that he lost more than he gained witch men dont think about what they will lose they just think about whats looks good for them at the moment. like i said i went through the same mess and i felt and had the same questions but all that confussion stoped when i let him lay in the bed he made and lived my own life and everything got so easyer for me and he finaly noticed how much he screwed up by leaving me and his relationship with the other girl didnt last long.he needs to know he cant have his cake and eate it to. best of luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): He is your husband of 12 years. It sounds from your post that you don't feel close enough to him to ask him what his intenetions are. If he only calls you when the other girl is not around chances are he is hiding the fact that he is talking to you from her because he doesn't want to lose her. He may be getting tired of her, or missing you but I wouldn't get too excited over your husband of 12 years that left you for another woman texting you when his other woman isn't around. That just sounds ridiculous. You are his wife. Demand more respect. If I were you, I would have filed divorce papers immediately. What if he does come home some day? Will you not be in fear of him leaving you again? Will you not be thinking constantly of how he betrayed you?
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