A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been together with my girlfriend for a year. Until few months ago, I moved for working and no longer meet each other that often. We still talk to each other on phone everyday.Last month, she told me she is going to vacation on the next couple of days. I was shocked because she should have planned the vacation earlier but she just told me when she almost leave.There are more happenings which I caught her hiding from me and I started to detach myself from her. Until 2 days ago, I called her. She mentioned a guy who called her once every few days. She admitted that she did the same too.She talked to the guy about all her x and our relationship. She also said that when she felt sad, she called him to talk and cried while talking to him on phone. Added, whenever she has something happy, she talked to him too.The way she talked to me about him, she is so happy. Laughing non stop and it has been quite some time since I listen to that extreme laughter of her.The time I know that, I am so hurt. She chose him instead of me to share her happiness and sadness. Who I am for her? Not even a close friend? If that isn't a guy, I would feel better because she might want girls' talk which I might never understand.Whenever we fight, I tried to change myself to a guy that she liked. She told me her x are that nice to her. And she told that guy she tried not to mad at me when I done something wrong. If she done that honestly, whats the point telling me?I felt sad because I haven't totally detach from her yet.By the way, she rarely call me. If she has incoming call, instead of asking me to wait or call me back, she just want to hang up. Now I am suspecting, the call must be from that guy or she just want to end the phone call in a cool way.She said when she is back from vacation, the guy will give something to her. She sounds like looking forward to that.I guess that means she told him that she is going to vacation and they do meet other quite often. Does she need to tell him if he is not important to her? Why she cares if he couldn't reach her when she is on vacation? Do they have to meet that often?I wanted to ask her but it is more valuable if she tell me herself.What should I do? I planned to walk away without a word. I think that is the best way. She can go to him without betraying me and that will makes her looked good. At least, she doesn't dump me for that guy. I love her, that is why I planned to do that for her. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, help mee  +, writes (25 July 2008):
I was in the same situation,but i knew she was seeing this other guy even after we broke up she still denied it.You deserve better you have feelings don't play her games it's a power thing,they also want what they cant have make yourself unavailable.Best of luck mate its been 4 months fo me getting there slowly.
A
female
reader, Nessie Jay  +, writes (25 July 2008):
Hey, I have had a similar experience, although of course not exactly the same. For an entire year I tried to keep my relationship knowing with all my heart he did not love me. We broke up and got back together a number of times. In the end I was the one who said 'no we need to end this, now and forever' The one and only reason I did this, was because a friend knew he was hurting me, she made me promise her not to get back with him. I had to keep her promise because i knew she wanted to help me, and though it took me over a year to understand it all, I am now ( 4 - 5years on) in a truly loving relationship which is full of utter trust and respect, and I can not thank my friend enough for her advice. I nor noone understands your exact situation completely but this is how it has happened for me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): Thank you for all the advices
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (25 July 2008):
 If anything...you need closure. In other words, don't just walk away without a word. Ask her how she feels about this guy. Ask her how she feels about you. Ask her if it is over between you and her. If she says that it is... then tell her that you will not be in contact with her again.
I feel for you. We have all been through this. It is not fun. But you are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you... sh-t happens.
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A
female
reader, superxdee90 +, writes (25 July 2008):
it seems that she isnt so serious with you. i believe she feels that way because you moved away from her, yeah it seems pretty selfish because she doesnt understand on why you have to move, but she probably has some trust issues with you, mabey thats why she isnt so serious with this relationship. also, her telling you all these things about that guy just hurts you even more, and obviously she wants him, and telling you that hes so perfect and all these things. so why waste your time talking to her and getting hurt when you can use your time talking to some other girl that you can determine whether she will be the one or not.
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