A
male
age
30-35,
*21098
writes:Hi everyone, I am a 27 male, who was in a relationship with a 25 male.We have each had long term relationships in the past but this felt like something else!We had instant chemistry, a great connection. After a few months he started asking for space. He would tell his friends how strong he felt about me but that he couldn't see me more than a couple of times a week. Despite them saying why does this rule have to exist, he couldn't explain it. So him taking space was hard. On top of this he's starting a new business while managing the one he's already in. So this has put him under a lot of strain emotionally, psychologically and financially. He also has a bad home life. A family member is an abusive alcoholic. This meaning he has no chance for real down time at home. In the past he has also been physically and emotionally abused by his exes. I have offered to support him and do whatever I can to help him with all of this. He has now turned round and said he cannot give me what I want or deserve in a relationship despite how amazing he thinks I am. That he is not ready. He has therefore asked if we can stay friends. After a long conversation I said I could understand and would try, but that he should know I was doing so because I would hope we would be back together again. He thanked me for understanding and we parted on good terms... we still hugged and kissed.His friends have been in touch and said they think he has made a mistake but that he is independent and would not be swayed by them. They have said I can wait, good for me, but don't sacrifice myself as for some reason that they don't understand he is being selfish. They think I have been great for him and exactly what he needs.Since then we do not really text at all. I have seen him twice in the last month. Every other week. We've met and spent entire evenings together. Go for dinner and drinks. Then when he drops me off, hugging good bye (no kissing). During that time it is like our first dates, great communication, flirting and attraction is evident on both parts...I would appreciate your help and guidance to know, should I continue to wait? Am I doing the right thing? Am I going about it the right way?He has said he still cares for me. He is still attracted to me. That there is no one else. That he needs to do this alone but wants me there still. That he just cannot do a relationship right now, cannot ask me to wait or promise that we will get back together.I have said how I feel about it. That I am in some form waiting. But that for now he focuses on him and I'll focus on me.Please Help my online friends.Best wishes.D
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 April 2017):
 He's being very selfish, he wants his cake and to eat it too.
I don't think it's fair for him to make you wait, but id say in the back of his mind he knows he has some hold over you. It's never nice to be rejected and it only makes you want the person more. I'm pretty sure most of us will of experienced this at some point or another.
You need to look out for yourself. I think if you stick around you will get more and more hurt. I'd suggest distancing yourself and trying to move on and IF somewhere down the line he can offer to commit to you, then he knows where you are.
For the time being I think he's messing with your feelings.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (11 April 2017):
 I hate to say it D, but this situation is full of red flags. I t appears to me that you are second priority, or even worse, Plan B. Now a 25 year old guy who still lives at home, at a home he isn't comfortable in, does not have his Stuff together. That may be throwing my read off.
In your shoes I would continue the separation. Do less and less together, and mostly abandon hope of getting back together. Keep your eyes open. There is a fair chance of foul play.
FA
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