A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating someone for around 8 months and met them online about a year ago. We haven't met yet and it is starting to worry me. We talk every day for hours, so there is that human connection, but as time goes on and I fall for them more and more, I have been getting steadily more scared that if I give any more of myself to her and when we meet it turns out that we actually do not work out, then I will be totally crushed.There is a part of me that feels that no matter what the distance or however long until we meet, I have a connection to this woman that I've never felt before. I am a realist and at age 34, I'm definitely not rushing into things like some naive teenager.I have been totally honest and open about myself, as has she, and I've given her more than enough chances to let her slip up in case she was lying to me or trying to make out she was something she wasn't.We have not met because when we were supposed to meet, her mother died the week before and we had to cancel. Maybe that sounds like she is making an excuse, but I have no reason to mistrust her and she has been so sad during this time.I feel like I am going crazy. Part of me thinks she could be the woman I spend the rest of my life with, but the other part of me is so scared of getting hurt. Please help me!
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (7 March 2010):
I completely understand what you are feeling; I've been there before. Both my partner and I were nervous about meeting and he took 6 months to finally be brave enough to take the chance. Up until then he had been worried like you are. We both agreed in advance that if we didn't meet each other's expectations that we would just have a fun weekend then go our separate ways without any hard feelings. We purposely planned only a weekend for a first meeting. Well to cut a long story short, it was amazing and two days later when he had to leave I bawled our eyes out and he flew back a month later. Just take the chance. To make it less awkward for her just stay in a hotel then she leaves her home to come stay with you there just for a couple of days. Or alternatively she could come to your country instead. Make the first meeting short. Surely she can spend a weekend? Even if she has to go home during the evenings she can spend all day with you at your hotel. You will wonder what you were so afraid of and you will kick yourself for not meeting sooner. Just as a precaution, make sure you skype on webcam before you meet so that you get used to each other. All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): If we waited for things to be perfect in life we would never do anything.
You should at least go and meet her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): I have to respect her wishes. She doesn't want to meet me in real life in the state she is currently in and I can understand that - truly.
My biggest worry is that she is so beautiful, both in body and soul. I don't feel I can compare to her and feel like I am going to disappoint her. In spite of this though, she says she loves me for who I am. I have never experienced love like this. My past girlfriends tried to change me, or only wanted someone to pay the bills and over the years it has made me feel so low and as if I don't matter. Now that someone loves me for who I am I am doubting myself.
I know that if we meet and I hold her in my arms and she still tells me that she loves me, that all these feelings of doubt will go away, but until then I am so very, very scared. When she is able to leave her family and meet with me there will be no more excuses for me and no more hiding. It will be a test of my character but if she does not love me then I will know I am not the man she thinks I am, nor the man I want to be. If she does not love me I do not think I will ever recover.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 March 2010):
 To be in love is to be vulnerable .
If you are scared of pain , you can never be truly in love.
Give your all if you think you truly love that person .
Half hearted love will never win any heart.
You should meet her if you want to go up another level. Seeing is believing. Sometimes what you see online is different in the real world.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): So you first met her online, about a year ago, and you have been "dating" online for 8 months, what are you waiting for? The time has come, to grab the bull by the horns and arrange to meet up, next time you speak to her make the arrangements.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): She doesn't live in England. I have said I will go and be with her but she is looking after her father and 3 brothers and is also grieving herself. She says she wants everything to be perfect for us and does not want to be busy caring for others.
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (7 March 2010):
 I don't understand why you've not met yet. You can drive one end of Britain to the other in 11 hours. What's stopping you?
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