A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for almost two years now. keyword dating. We have never been official boyfriend and girlfriend, though we act like it and call each other it. we both have made many mistakes in this relationship and have gone our seperate way plenty of times. He has made many serious ones, where as I have not. He had a bad childhood and saw his father do bad things to his mother, and he follows right in his footsteps. He has done stupid immature things to me and has cheated on me. I stopped talking to him for good when I finally found out, even though I had always known. I just wanted proof so I can hear it out of his mouth and there could be no more lies. I did not speak to him for almost a month and a half. He called me a couple times, left voicemails, had his friends call me and text me, and I would not answer him. Finally I ran into him and we began talking again. He began to finally open his eyes when me and him got back together. All the things that i would always try to make him understand and i would fight with him over, he realizes it now. ive seen him cry about it and about his father and how he is just like his dad and he hates it. he wants to change and that was the first time in two years that i ever saw him like this or heard him speak to me this way. He always thought i was just nagging at him and now he understands. He stopped hanging out with his dirtbag friends, he began working again, he was calling me, he would call me everytime he was going out to do something and everything was getting better. Still, evertime i have an attitude with something he just screams and flips out and says hes done. Every arguement he says hes done. I explained to him that he can't just turn around and run, but that relationships are hard and you have to work through it, and it is going to take time for it to work. He got better for a awhile but now me and him are no longer talking. He said that me and him are not in a relationship, but were together. He wants a future with me, and he is in love with me but he does not want "boyfriend girlfriend". We cant date other people becasue were still with each other but he does not want to be committed and i think that makes no sense...do you?We got into a big fight that got blown out of proportion and we left off on bad terms and have not spoken since. he says that I need to understand that hes happy with where were at but it need times to grow but i dont understand what the difference is. I feel as is he is not into me, or that he wants to still screw around before getting serious or its just me..do you have any idea what his deal is?
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (24 November 2009):
 You're right, it makes no sense that he says he wants to be exclusive but doesn't want to call you his girlfriend. There's definitely something going on he's not telling you, and sadly I doubt he'll ever tell you why he feels that way.
You should be paying attention to his actions more than his words. If he really wanted the relationship to become more serious, it would've progressed by now. He wants all the benefits of one, while still appearing unattached in case someone else comes along. Seriously, if his mind wasn't elsewhere he wouldn't be treating you as someone he's only seeing after two years.
Although it will definitely be hard to do, I think you should move on and find someone that will respect you enough to acknowledge you as their significant other.
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