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male
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anonymous
writes:I am the oldest of 3 (22), but I get on really well with brother who is the youngest (18). I know it sounds weird coming from his brother but before I left for my year backpacking this time last year, he was a really nice and caring person who everyone liked.When I left he had a girlfriend but I heard that they had broken up and he had taken it really badly. My brother got badly bullied at school and this girl eventually helped him get out through it. She slept with someone behind his back nevertheless.Since I have returned he is not the same. He was top in class and he's now gone off the rails since he's left high school. He's not going to college despite pleas from my parents. He's horrible to other women when they try to flirt with him. But the worst part is he admitted to me he hates our sister and mum. It's sounds as if he hates women and he just wants to be miserable for the rest of his life.Can anyone give me ideas what to do as my parents, sister and I are struggling to try and rescue him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys, me and my dad finally knocked some sense into him and he's keeping his head up. He's fine now with my mum and sister and has actually reapplied for university. Although he still mumbles every now and then about this and that.
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male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Uncanny how your brother and i sound the same. only minus the gf and the help. other than that, bullied, left high school. college drop out too. and have a hate of certain women.basicly he's a broken man.you strive to do the right thing. to be the best.and then one day 1 thing happens.one little tiny trivial thing and the universe comes to an end.only takes a small spark to light the biggest of explosions. i stopped caring what people expected of me. stopped caring about work, school. friends, family.none of it matterd what was the point to it all? if you're nice shit happens to you and people will shit on you.and much the same, i like your brother just stopped caring.i can understand the being horrorible to women.. i'm sure they're all over him though because he treats them like crap.. which is ironic, but also fits in with.. if you're nice to people that crap on you.. and if you crap on people they're nice instead.. it makes no sence but for some reason it works.as for him being a bastard to you sister and mum.honestly? therapy. he needs to see someone to talk it out. as he gets older he will reaslise what he's doing. he will still be an angry hate filled person but he will be more moloncoly about it.look at it from his point of view.the one person who helped him through the hard times, turns around and betrays him and stabs him in the heart.what trust could he possible have for any female?I do totally understand how he feels and what he is going through. try putting yourself in his shoes. but if you can get him to see a shrink then i highly recommend it.let us know what happens
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (20 January 2008):
 You sound like a very caring person to have as a brother. So you can help him a lot. All you need to do is to lead by example. Show him that not every girl is as bad as that. And dont forget his age, at 18 he is bound to be a little imature. My Baby brother didnt start growing up till he hit 20 odd. The other on the other hand was through this by 17. We are all different. just be patient, he will come through.
XX
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Get him interested in his hobbies or things that he liked to do before the break up.
Take him on a holiday to relax
Get him to join a church .
Pray for him.
Spend more time with him .
Take him out of the house more often.
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male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (20 January 2008):
 This is a hard question to answer, obviously he feels deeply angry at what this girl did (with justification) and is projecting that emotion onto other people. It makes me wonder if he has ever really told her how angry he is; probably not because from what you say here he is a really decent guy who would bite his tounge and try and be understanding. He needs to get this emotion out into the open but in the right way and directed in the right place, a letter he never sends might be an good way; at the very least he needs to be encouraged to talk about how he felt about what happened because he is obviously repressing allot of emotions.
What will make this betrayal doubly painful is how she helped him through what you described and he obviously invested alot of trust in her and its certainly natural that he will take time to trust other women again. On the other hand you might like trying to be firm with him when he is like this; or you mum and sister might. Be quite gentle and understanding but also firm that it isnt acceptable for him to take it out on other people; its a tricky balance to strike but good luck.
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