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female
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*eedadvice531
writes:My husband of 20 years has been having an affair with a much younger woman he works with. He thinks that he is in love with the other woman and although he's apologised and said that he's sorry it is obvious that she continues to occupy his thoughts. I have told him that I don't want to continue our marriage but am really unsure of what to do as we have 2 young children to consider. We've spent the last few months trying to make it work but he just spends his days day dreaming about little miss perfect. What do I do??
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 Sorry to hear your situation. It can't be easy to try to make things work when he's not really committed to the process. Maybe it's time for a trial separation, where he moves out and you both go for marriage counseling? I hope you've already tried that, if not, what could it hurt to try?
Give him a taste of life without you to pick up after him, do his laundry and cook his meals. I have no idea what Miss Perfect is like, and I expect he'll then get to spend time with her. But he'll have to run his own errands and might expect her to start doing them for him. Might not be so perfect for her at that point.
Do what is best for you, you need to keep yourself healthy and mentally strong for your children. He's put someone else first in his life, it's time that you put yourself first and take care of yourself and your children.
It might work out between you two, but until he's fully on board with you, I think that you're doing all the work in the repair. Apologizing isn't enough, to my mind.
All my best wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): I know you have two children and a marriage to consider, but your husband is in love or at least infatuated with somebody else. He may never get over this love, and even if he stays with you, you will be second best in his eyes compared to this woman. I can't tell you what to do, but you is this fair to you, don't you deserve more. How long can you stand watching your husband pine over somebody else. He's giving you the crumbs left over from the full cake that he gives to her. He's too frightened to leave you and be with the woman he loves, but I ask again, don't you deserve more.
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female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 The only way to make him appreciate you if you want him to is to tell him he is free to go. Personally I would throw him out but that is up to you. You could tell him that you are not sure how you will feel if he wants you back, that will make him work as hard as he needs to, or not. In which case nothing is lost anyway. All the time he has this ideal world he can live in denial. I admire you for sticking, I personally would not be able to cope with such miserable leavings. Consider the fact that you are worth more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Well all I can say is why have you put up with this?
I know it is hard and you have children, but jess, he is not really wanting to be committed to your family by his actions.
Just stop and think about how this is going to effect you and your children. He needs to get real. If he is saying he is in love with this little girl, then let him go and find out what he has lost.
You can't make him understand how terriblly distructive his actions are if you there, in the wings and keeping your fingers crossed. I can't really see that his affair is over. He hasn't let go.
If your marriage and life together are to move forward, he has to understand it will be, without you and your children, having to put up with little miss perfect occupying his attentions.
What do you do? - Stand up for yourself and your family. BIG TIME, say to him he needs to make a choice and until he does he's on his own.
Take care xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): get rid of him. you said you are thinking about the children? do you think its ok that thier father has no interest to be with thier mother and is sleeping around with someone else? what is he bringing home to you that you dont know about? would that be fair to your children? that your husband brought you home a disease. doesnt sound to me like he is trying to make anything work. and to be honest with you, once a cheater, always a cheater. if not with her he will always dream about what it was like to love a younger woman and seek that again. no matter how good you can make it. trust me on this. your children deserve a man in your and thier life that loves and respects you. i would strongly think about that
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