A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was hoping to get some input or advice from married women or just people with experience in this kind off thing. I started seeing my boyfriend a few months ago. He's a bit older than me but I am 25 myself. I love him so much for his personality, he's funny, good looking. Everything you want in a man. But its long distance. We live in different citys and he wants me to move and live with him. I am so keen too. I'm just worried because, he's very wealthy. Has a good job as a doctor and he's always treating me to nice presents and weekends away. Its great I love all that stuff what girl wouldn't. But I still live with my parents at the moment. I pay 2 bills a month and some money to my mum. If and when I moved I would find a job. But what I do as work doesn't pay that great and I'm worried about bills. Rent,food shopping, telephone bills, all that stuff you usually split down the middle. But his place is so fancy and nice and expensive. I'm not sure how it will all work? Aside from that I haven't lived with anyone before. He likes to prepare fancy meals where I would rather just putting something simple in the oven. Don't get me wrong I'm not gonna shy away from him because off these worries. I just want to know how to get round them. I see myself marrying this man. I love him so much and I haven't felt like this before. I feel like he's changing my life already. Any thoughts on this, has anyone been in this situation before. Thankyou.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFinances haven't come up very much. He talks a lot about me moving in with him and soon. He says I can get a job transfer with my work and he knows I don't earn much. Its not that I feel I can't talk to him we talk a lot in our relationship. He knows I am a fuzzy eater, that I worry about money, everything about me really. I don't know if he just expects to pay for everything as normal and then maybe suggest I contribute something every month. That would be simple. I just don't know to bring it up. My ex was very down the middle kind off man. Where my current OH spoils me all the time. I try and spoil him back in my own way though to show him its him I want not his money. But I would be a liar if I said I didn't like the fact he drives a fancy car or has all these luxuries in life. He does work very hard for it though. In my mind I would love to be a housewife after I was worried if we are still together and he's the one. I like the idea off having the dinner on the table (I might need to brush up on my cooking skills but I can cook), do the housework,and one day be a mother to his children. No matter if I married rich or poor I have always wanted to spend those first few years at home not missing all those first moments. Obviously it would be more off an option if I stick with this guy. At the moment I feel like a girl on min wage with a well off boyfriend. But would I ever transition to what's his is mines where after marriage money is never an issue anymore. I don't want to feel like I have to ask him for something. Just not sure how it works when you marry into money.
A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (10 October 2011):
 You just need to discuss it with him, openly and be prepared to know what you want to give.When I move in with OH which I believe is inevitable I know he earns significantly lower than me, will I expect him to contribute 50/50 no as that would be infair and leave me with a much higher disposable income. However he owns his own property (I dont) so that would also be taken into consideration as to my contribution if we then went to buy a property. What I would expect as we work equal hours is equal share of the chores or a cleaner!!! I'm all about fancy meals, but after a long day I sometimes can't be bothered so don't be surprised to find he does slob on the sofa with a ready meal!!Relationships are all about open communication! And honesty (we have to ve honest up front about what we will and will not do) it's a very exciting tine but it will just not work if you dint talk about all this first!Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): WOW lucky you! He sounds ideal. He is also an intelligent man, he will know when you move you will have to find a job,has probably a rough idea of what you would earn from it too.
So, talk to him about finances, about your culinary skills, about anything thats worrying you,don't be embarassed, your in love and he is too. So it should be easy and alot better than asking us - do it sooner rather than later too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): You lead two different lifestyles, that's for sure.
But, you should be able to discuss finance with him before you move. Logically, if a man and a woman are in love and ready for marriage, then households should combine regardless of who is rich or poor.
Becoming a live in SO doesn't always mean splitting down the middle. There is an arrangement that has to be made. Perhaps you watch t.v. more, so you take over the t.v. bill. Or perhaps you give a precentage of your money monthly which he then applies as needed. Some couples do the "yours, mine, ours" type of thing where they have one joint account for all bills and then each has a seperate account for their own things (like clothes, or toys, or eating out, etc.)
Sometimes what you lack in money you make up for in cleaning. Stay at home mothers, for example, do not bring an income, but they cook, clean, care for the kids, etc. Same with working part time or less income. You have more "chores" perhaps.
Also with cooking and food, if he enjoys cooking and eating on his own perhaps he will cook for you. But he should be informed you don't cook at the same level as he does. Then again, maybe he cooks fancy for you now because you're dating, but when living together you discover he like frozen pizza. Lots of things change once you move in together. :)
All of this needs to be discussed seriously before you move in. If you can't talk to him about it, then you're not ready.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 October 2011):
 If you are moving in with him you need to be able to discuss all things with him. Finances are an important thing to have worked out before you combine households...
You also should discuss all the things that concern you about HIM WITH HIM.
IF you say "but I can't talk to him about these things" then you are not ready to move in with him.
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