A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. Bit of advice needed. Have had an affair for 6 months now and its been very draining on me as i am in love with the girl. It started out she was flattered with the attention, she worked in a different office and i e-mailed called etc. She flirted back. When it came to the crunch she didnt want to meet up as she had a boyfriend. I persisted and it eventually became an affair. I think she was bored in her relationship but it was her security. Anyhow it has gotten out of control a bit and the feelings are very deep now. Because of this she feels guilty as she is cheating and then behaves badly to me, we fall out, get back in touch and it starts again and its amazing when we are together but then the cycle starts again because of the guilt. Sometimes we hate each other but its only because of the circumstances and the physical attraction is amazing. She tries to do the right thing by her boyfriend but then the next min wants me badly. I think she is having the best of both worlds. We have just fallen out again for no reason apart from its wrong what were doing and we take it out on each other without discussing it. I have just sent her a message telling her that i'm in it for the long haul and i do care lots but won't put up with what she keeps doing and to get in touch when the time is right. Do you think her relationship can work when she obviously has strong feelings for me and has been having amazing sex with me. I know she fancies me like mad but has told me she doesnt believe i would take her on if she became single because of what we have done already, and thinks its just the thrill of the chase for me. Also she knows i won't put up with her crap which her fella does. Is this the best tactic making her make a decision by breaking off contact? Its sad because we actually became good friends as well but cannot carry on like this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): This is a woman who likes to control men with her sex, period....she is not interested in the long haul with either of you most likely.....she is with her "boyfriend" for a reason, he either has money, is a great lover, or she may even love him....boredom is NOT and excuse for having an affair, it shows you her true character, and you are being a silly man to want a shallow woman like this, there are plenty more like her out there, I am sure you can find a replacememt in a matter of days....she is not your friend either, friends don't treat each other like dirt.
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (6 October 2007):
 She's cheating on her boyfriend with you. You're the "side dish", so to speak. If she's willing to drop the boyfriend to be with you full time. Fine. But remember this . . . she cheated on her current boyfriend to be with you. Would you trust a cheater? Once a cheater, always a cheater, so they say.
Your "best tactic" is to move on.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (6 October 2007):
You and her deserve each other. Just realize there is no more to it and keep at it.
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