A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,First of all, let me say that this is a friendship problem, not a romantic one. I don't like my mate's girlfriend and I know I'm not the only one. He's 23 and she's six years younger, 17. All of his mates (including me of course) don't like her, and we've always been wary of her. She has no future goals, only to be a fashion designer... yet her tastes have never been great. She works at a retail store and spends all of her money on the clothes there but even with all the new clothes, her physical appearance... if I had to be honest, is VERY plain, not to mention she has a problem with grey hairs. I'm not talking about one or two, I'm talking about a WHOLE head of grey hairs. Now, this wouldn't matter to me if it was just appearance sake, but she always talks as if her fashion sense is better than anyone... so you'd think she'd dye her hair and make herself look a bit more presentable or at least to the standard she seems to hold herself at. She's not only disliked by his friends but her classmates think she's stuck up. I've worked with her once or twice with some voluntary and community service jobs and she will insult you and pretend it's a joke and laugh at it herself. She's rude, inconsiderate and believes herself to be a genius. She completely takes all my friend's time. He drives her everywhere, buys her everything and she's so damn clingy. If we want to go to the pub, she'll tag along and keep kissing him in front of me and my mates. God, you couldn't find a more annoying kid (and yeah, she IS a kid.. with her attitude and the age difference). My mate doesn't work but he's got his family's money to spend... on her. Okay, I get the whole "because I care for her I'll buy her things".. but wouldn't you ladies also like a guy who knows how to save but would treat you to something special once in a while (with his own money hopefully)? She makes him spend money for her every little need.Maybe I'm being really critical, but I've always been taught that if your friends' don't like your girl, there's just something wrong. Then again, lots of people would think that because they like the other person, we should learn to respect their decision and like them too. But it's not as if we didn't try to like her. My mates and I go out of our way to be nice.. when she comes with my friend to play football or tennis or something, we always offer to play with her. So, what would you do? We don't know how to confront our mate about this kind of thing. As far as we know, she could be a goddess to him and is extremely nice and wonderful... yet we all avoid him now because of her. Would you confront him? Should I tell him what I really feel about her? I've personally known guys whose friendships just die because they don't like their significant others. But at this rate, my friendship's dying even without me saying anything to him. Thanks for reading. B
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): If she's 17 and he's 23 I don't think the relationship has much mileage really. I think he will soon realise that she is too immature. She sounds annoying, although I would also argue that some of your criticisms sound fairly petty, especially about the grey hair. As you yourself say, she is just a kid. She is probably trying really hard to be grown-up like you guys and it's backfiring. As for him spending his money on her, she can't make him do that. He does it out of his own free will so needs to take the blame for that if you don't like it. It also strike me that she is probably like this to try and exert her influence over him in front of other people- and it seems to be working. I think there is a bit of a power struggle going on here. Most of her annoying behaviour doesn't seem to affect you directly; however if they start kissing etc in front of you in the pub I would say something like "get a room you guys" or words to that effect which will hopefully embarrass them into stopping. I don't, however, think the relationship will last. However, if you want to talk to him, perhaps you could do it more on a level of "I never get to hang out with you anymore, fancy a pint with the boys" or something like that. Or try and pick a time when she is working? If you do make your feelings about her known then you need to have clear, rational arguments, better - or at least better phrased- than the ones you have put here. Don't bother mentioning her appearance though. That is meaningless.
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