We're like soulmates but she is quite insecure. How do I handle this?

A male age 41-50, anonymous writes:

well this is long so i'll make it as short as i can!! i'm 26 and have been best friends with a girl of the same age for 10 years. We have always done everything together (excluding physical) and see each other several times a week and are in contact every day. People who don't know otherwise assume we are a couple. My reason for it never progressing to a relationship was that she never appeared to be the settling down type and went through a time of having many one night stands and for that reason I thought I had fallen into the "friends" trap (maybe I could say I'm a bit slow at coming forward like that!). She has moved on now from her old ways and one night completely unplanned I told her how I felt, though I never actually asked her out because she had said previously that she wants time to be single to just get her life sorted and back on track (she has been ill this year with depression and has also lost her job) . She opened up and it got very emotional and she said she regretted her past and she only did it to feel wanted and that it was sex and nothing more. I told her I felt somehow pushed to the bottom of the pile and in shock she told me that was never the case and I was always right at the very top, the closest person in her life (she doesn't get on with her family). She told me she hated herself and the impression I got was "how could anyone love me or want me for anything other than love-less sex. I told her she was pretty and had a wonderful personality and so on and she just point blank would not believe me and said I was just being nice to her to make her feel better. A week later we went out for the day into the country and we were walking when I leaned out and held her hand (which we have never done before, I regret not showing affection in the past but anyway), she interlocked fingers with no hesitation and we carried on walking. Later on I said again what I thought of her but again she point blank would not believe I was being truthful and started to get upset saying she hates herself etc. I feel there could be a future for us and my friends who know us say the same. Looking through the lines I asked her how she would feel if I met someone else and she said she would miss me and find it very hard but meekly said "i would have to learn to accept you love her", when really she is the one I love and I can't imagine now wanting to be with anyone else. Someone who knows us told me that some people spend years or their whole life looking for their soul mates and we have found each other, but because she is so insecure (and as said, has been suffering from depression) I think just time and me being there for her is what I should do. The additional point here is because we are so close (and I would not want it any other way) that may create a barrier for me meeting other potential g/fs as they would not accept our closeness. Any views are appreciated.

View related questions: best friend, her past, insecure, one night stand, soul mates, soulmate

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A male reader, BaggiePantsJr  +, writes (10 November 2009):

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