A
female
age
36-40,
*ongirl1213
writes:My boyfriend and I of over 5 yrs have been having some problems lately. We are engaged and are planning on getting married. But something has changed because he has met this girl who lives and hour or more away from us. He is all of the sudden rethinking this marriage because he said he is kinda interested in this other girl. He keeps on bringing up how he hasn't been happy in our relationship and how he is very confused. I know that he lover me and I know that he cares for me. But he has seen her 3 times already and she is calling me the guy stealer and all I want to do is shoot her for interfering in our lives. I asked him if she hadn't come into his life if he and I would be able to work things out and he says yes. I would like some help with getting him to forget her and come back to me because he still tells me that I am the love of his life and all that type of stuff. We still kiss and hug and cuddle and what not. But he just isn't sure anymore. Please send me something I could do to get him back with me and I want him to never leave me again. Please I am begging you, I don't want to lose the love of my life to someone he has known for only a week. Please we are supposed to be getting married in June and he and I need to be back on track. Help me please
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): I went through this same thing with my boyfriend (now we're married.) I'll let you know what he did to make me come back. We had been dating for a really long time too and I got really confused because he's the only guy I'd ever dated and I wanted to see what else was out there. At first he was completely devastated and I felt bad but I was still honestly confused. Then after a while he started saying things like we shouldn't be hanging out if we weren't dating like we always had been. He relied on his faith to get him through the hard time and I could see him getting stronger through that, without me. The thing that made me come back for good, was when it looked like he'd started talking to another girl and I got worried that he was going to move on and fall for her because I knew that the girl liked him. Lame, I know, but sometimes it's things like that that make you appreciate what you had. I hope that helps, a little. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): Do what my cousin's fiance did. He wanted to "go out" with his friends because she never let him. They too are to be married in June. He actually wanted to meet a girl that he could possibly hook up with. He went out & at about 11:00 pm realized that he did not want to fall back into that life. He realized how special his fiance is & how much he loves & wants to be with her. They fought a lot before & now they don't. It's hard to let someone go, (just to see what happens) but if he truly loves you, he will come back to you. If he doesn't, he would just cheat on you throughout your marriage because he never got to see what might happen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): Well, we now know he has an infidelity problem. And you want to marry him? Take those blinders off, hun. The best solution I can see here, might be for YOU to become strong and self-assured enough, so that you no longer need him. Becoming a strong, confident woman is not a means to winning back an unfaithful bf, but it is a case of winning back your own self-respect, your pride and dignity that he took with him, when he decided to spend time with her. As long as your bf feels that any decision about where he wants to be, who he wants to be with is up to only him, he will feel free to chose whatever option he wants, irregardless of how much pain he causes you. But if he feels that your door is closing to him, he just might realize that he doesn't want that door to close. He's sitting in the catbird's seat here and he's enjoying every second of it, isn't he? Think about this. If he gets this woman "out of his system" and he comes back to you who says he won't get another one "in his system" and he leave you again, knowing that you still want him back. A=nd the next time, you could be married to him with 2 kids and then your options get fewer and tougher. And this could keep going on and on, for years to come. You need to get tough and never tolerate his infidelity, ever again. Set the groundrules and lay out the boundries here, girl.
You however need to be strong and clear about what you want your life to be and stick to those ground rules, with him or without him. Don't you wavern now. If you become strong and clear in yourself, you will win whether he returns or not. I would suggest that you find yourself a good counselor to support you in your own inner journey. Start living today to get strong and empower your own life. Do NOT live your life, based on only him. That is so weak and needy and he doesn't respect you.
You might really surprise yourself because when you are strong enough to no longer need him, you might not want him back, anyways. Amazing what confidence and pride does for a woman. So rather than trying to win him back, take all the energy you could waste on this man and work hard to stop loving him and learn to love yourself, fully and unconditionally. And don't ever forget...for even a day...how very special you are. You take of yourself, hun and get strong and seek happiness...you truely deserve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): I know how you feel. But there is adage where i come from that says when something is destined too die, sooner or later it sure will. In the light of the above, please take to your heels. Dont give him the impression that you want him that badly.and even if he apologises to you, dont be too quick to accept his apologies. already he feels choked up.Give him some breathing space or else... you face the worst kind of humiliation you've never imagined. Above all, DONT BEG HIM TO STAY WITH YOU YOU, DONT!
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A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (25 January 2008):
 Hi.
I really do not want you to think that i am trying to hurt you or your feelings in any way,the problem is that your relationship is 5 years old and because he has met some one a week ago and decided to change your marriage arrangements, you really do not want to marry this guy,he has has broken all the rules, he is seeing another woman, he thinks more of her in a week than he does of you in 5 years, he's betrayed your trust, and is cheating on you.
This is no basis for you to marry him, whats happens if you do marry, then he meets some one at your wedding he really likes and wants to be with her?,then you will be in a world of pain.
he is not worth the pain and trouble he is going to put you through, you really need to think about what you are getting yourself into this is not a good situation to be in, he will always let you down,every time he see a woman he likes he will go after her, weather your married or not,please do not do anything toward the other woman, because he is 100% at fault because he has actioned this situation, you do not want to spend time in prison because of his selfish act.
To tell the the truth you would be a lot better off without him, after all if he loves you as much as he said why would he want to go of with other woman any way, he really is using you as second best and you really do not want him to do that, you need to be no one in a relationship, if you are not then he is making a mockery of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): If i were you i'd not rush into marriage with this guy. He is already showing signs of being fickle. Marrying him won't stop him messing around.Good luck
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