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female
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*icki
writes: I'm 17 and about 2 week ago i found out i was pregnant.I was going to get rid of it but my boyfriend talked me into keeping it. So i got used to it. Then a week later he came home from work and told me he didnt want it. I walked away from him and then he just wouldnt talk to me. He already has one 10 month old daughter who he has all the time. Now he's saying he still doesn't want to be with me but will stick by me. Hes caused me so much problems i've had to deal with it on my own. I still love him so much but he wants to move on and its only been a week. We were together 2 months. Was he using me and does he deserve to be apart of the babys life?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): This man sounds totally unreliable. There is no way you can count on him "sticking by you" as he has said he would. Oh, maybe he will stick by you for the first few months or even a year. But I'm betting that after that you'll be on your own.
If you decide to have and raise this baby on your own, you are looking at supporting him/her for the next 20 years, on your own, perhaps with welfare, POSSIBLY child support from the father - and you should certainly pursue child support. Even if he doesn't want to pay it, he fathered the baby, and has an obligation to pay or face jail.
To begin with, you wanted an abortion. Do you still want that?
If you do not, consider going through with the birth, and then putting the baby up for adoption. No shame in that, if you feel you can not face the next twenty years or so on your own, and having to put your career and life on hold. Make no mistake, raising him by yourself would be more difficult than you can possibly imagine right now.
You have to think of what is best for your unborn child - AND what you can deal with it. THINK about it: you will be expected, even if your family and your ex help, to be responsible for bringing him up, basically by yourself.
Your freedom to go to school, college, pursue a career, go on trips whenever you want, to date, will not be impossible, but it WILL be very hard. Do you think you can do that if you do decide to keep your baby?
Consider all your options and do what is the best for youself and the child!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): Ohhhh, sweetie, I have been there. I had my son at 17 and alone. I spent the 1st 2-3 yrs of my son's life (he's 6 now) raising him alone. His dad was FAR more interested in the bar & other women than his baby. I was SO angry about this for so long, but then I realized that I was doing a great job by myself. So my first piece of advice to you is to read the writing on the wall. This guy is not going to be dependable. You may very well be on your own on this one. But that's okay!! You will be okay and a great mom. It will definitely be difficult at first, but you'll be okay. Keep your circle of friends and family close and you'll be amazed at the love and support (and babysitting!) that the people that love you will provide. Secondly - don't ever shut that man out. People change. My son's father is now an active part of his life and a wonderful influence on him. We share custody now so things aren't as hard for me anymore. Even if it's bad to begin with, it may not always be that way (people change) - and make sure that you don't harbor resentment and try to stop him from seeing the kid if he decides to be responsible. And finally, don't give up on yourself!! I am almost done with my double major degree and have worked full time the whole time. A baby is not going to stop you from realizing the dreams that you have, just make it a little harder to get there. I knwo that you probably feel SO alone right now and you are looking to this guy for support. Which is okay. But no matter what happens, realize that you are capable of doing this with or without him. Good luck!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): Ohhhh, sweetie, I have been there. I had my son at 17 and alone. I spent the 1st 2-3 yrs of my son's life (he's 6 now) raising him alone. His dad was FAR more interested in the bar & other women than his baby. I was SO angry about this for so long, but then I realized that I was doing a great job by myself. So my first piece of advice to you is to read the writing on the wall. This guy is not going to be dependable. You may very well be on your own on this one. But that's okay!! You will be okay and a great mom. It will definitely be difficult at first, but you'll be okay. Keep your circle of friends and family close and you'll be amazed at the love and support (and babysitting!) that the people that love you will provide. Secondly - don't ever shut that man out. People change. My son's father is now an active part of his life and a wonderful influence on him. We share custody now so things aren't as hard for me anymore. Even if it's bad to begin with, it may not always be that way (people change) - and make sure that you don't harbor resentment and try to stop him from seeing the kid if he decides to be responsible. And finally, don't give up on yourself!! I am almost done with my double major degree and have worked full time the whole time. A baby is not going to stop you from realizing the dreams that you have, just make it a little harder to get there. I knwo that you probably feel SO alone right now and you are looking to this guy for support. Which is okay. But no matter what happens, realize that you are capable of doing this with or without him. Good luck!!!!!
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A
female
reader, uonlyliveonce  +, writes (18 August 2006):
 at first YOU decided that you wanted to get rid of your baby, then you changed your mind because this lad talked you into keeping it but im guessing that you made that choice because you thought he was going to stay with you and support you.
now he's not going to be around do you still want this baby? having a baby will change your life and it isnt easy on your own would you have the support of your family if you kept it?
this lad doesnt deserve to see your baby or push you into making decisions he's treating you unfairly and playing with your emotions he's immature and best thing you can do is stay away.
but you need to think about this do you realyy want this baby and can you support it alone or will your parents help you? x x
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