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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 18 and I'm a lesbian. About 6 months ago, my manager at work starting hanging out with me. After about a week, she told me that she had a crush on me and she kissed me. I truly believed she was straight, so this really flipped my world upside down. After that, we started dating, and about a month later she broke up with me. She didn't give me a reason, she just said she didn't want to dissapoint me, and I still don't know what that means. Then I found out that she was seeing two of her old boyfriends at the same time, after she dumped me. This really fired me up so we got in huge fights almost every day. Then one night she stayed over, we kissed, and one thing led to another and we had sex. I knew she was seeing a bunch of guys and seeing me, but I didn't care because I loved her so much. And she said she was still in love with me, so I was an idiot and kept having sex with her for months. Eventually I got so sick of her seeing other guys behind my back, I completely stopped talking to her (which only lasted for two weeks). Later she called me and started yelling at me for not calling her back and ignoring her. I felt bad so I apoligized, and of course we start hanging out again. It's been a week since we started talking again, and she spent the night a few days ago. But we didn't kiss or anything, we just held eachother for hours and hours. I've been fighting every urge to kiss her. And It's killing me. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll mess up this "friendship" that we have. Should I just let it be, or try to make it work again? But I figured if she wanted to kiss me, she would have already, because she always makes the first move. I just don't want to chase someone who doesn't want me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Linda +, writes (25 November 2005):
This is one of the hardest things you have already come out and are looking for somone to love you, your manager is going through something terribly awkward, she's realised she has feelings for you by telling you of her crush in the first place but cannot deal with it.It could be that she does really care for you but is fighting these feelings trying to prove to herself that she's still straight by sleeping with these other men but at the end of the week your the ons she wants to cuddle up with, which means alot.On the other hand I hate to say it but she could be playing you for a fool and using you for a bit of experimental fun getting her kicks and having no thought for you what so ever in which case you have to get out now beofre you get drawn in any more.The thing is with certain woman they are very good at playing with peoples emotions, I imagine when she first came to you she was overly loving, cuddly and sensual toying with you because she felt your attraction and then it becomes like a spell once she realises this works on you she'll do what ever she wants because she know's she can just work her magic on you and you'll be there exactly when she wants you.At the end of the day you're the only person who knows her like this, in this situation so you need to make a judgement on whether she is just afraid of what people would say if she came out or whether she's just playing you like a fool. Once you come to that hard decision then you have to take the appropriate action for what is best for you. Which ever way it goes I wish you luck x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2005): I agree with the person above on this but id like to add that it isn't that you're not enough for this woman its that thats the way she is and unfortunately you're the only one that can put a stop to it otherwise it will continue to upset you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005): The lady likes men, too. Accept that, or move on. She is not going to be your one and only, or vice versa. That means you will be continually upset, and frustrated by her, and for what? You have the same problem all single people have, regardless of sexual orientation. You think you are in love with someone, you enjoy their company, and their sex, and find out you are not enough for her. Move on. I know it hurts. Everyone is hurt when this happens. But you will just continue to torture yourself if you try to continue this relationship. It can't work as a " friendship", and I think you know that. Be honest to yourself about your feelings and sexual needs. You are entitled to them, and to be happy. I am sorry this is not working out for you. But, you will survive, and you will find someone else.
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